Confessions of a Fat Girl 7: Pain!

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October 6th, 2009

Yesterday wasn’t a good day. No, it wasn’t a good day at all!

After such a great start to the day…after religiously eating my 2 roasted sweet potatoes and mixed vegetable stir fry…after sipping on my green smoothie for a snack…I had allowed Uzomaka push me several steps backwards, by using her taunting and bullying as an excuse to eat a shawarma…and drink a Fanta. But I have to admit that it was like heaven in my mouth…eating that j-u-i-c-y meaty wrap, and allowing the cold, sweet, refreshing drink slide down my throat! But the minute I ate the last crumb, guilt descended on me like a ton of bricks, and I felt awful!

As I drove out of the complex, I was miserable, and wished I could rewind the day, to erase my lapse. I made a mental note to spend more time in the gym, when I went tomorrow.

As my kids walked towards the car park, my eyes lit up when I saw the bright party packs my boys carried. Apparently, there had been a birthday in my older son’s class, and he had also wrestled a pack for his brother. Call me an agbaya, but they were my weakness! Kiddy party packs!!! I was known to single handedly eat all the sweet treats in each pack, all under the guise of “not allowing my boys spoil their teeth!”. I just had a weakness for those miniature chocolates, cookies, and sweets.

And unfortunately, today was no exception. As the kids got out of their school clothes, I sat in the kitchen, and ate every sweet treat in each party pack…down to the last morsel. When I had eaten the last M&M in the last pack, it was like my eyes opened to the carnage. I stared in horror, at the disposed wraps littered around the kitchen counter, and I covered my eyes and wept.

I am a disgrace!

 

October 7th, 2009

I’m not quite sure how, but I was able to pull myself out of bed this morning. The way I felt, I wasn’t quite sure how women cheat on their husbands, because the guilt I felt over having cheated on my diet was threatening to consume me.

But somehow, I dragged myself to the gym, and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. But this time, I knew I just had to push myself some more…especially after how badly I slipped yesterday. So, I beckoned at the Trainer, who happily proceeded to put me through another 30 minutes of torture. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical machine (my thighs felt like they would detach from my body), and the remaining 15 minutes doing various cardio exercises. By the time I left the place, I couldn’t feel my legs…and I was soaked in sweat, right down to my lady parts! But I was happy. Pain just had to be gain in this instance.

When I got home, I had a fruit platter for breakfast, and decided to give the shop a miss. I needed another day or two to recover from yesterday’s fiasco.

So, I spent the day quietly at home…not wanting to tempt fate by exposing myself to any temptation. Tonight, I made a cup of peppermint tea with raw honey, to take the edge off. And I find that writing in this journal also helps. I know there will be plenty more days like yesterday, but I’ll take them one day at a time.

 

October 12th, 2009

Glory be to God, my one day-lapse in judgment didn’t affect my weigh-in. 102.6kg!!! Meaning I lost another 4.2kg…12.4kg to date.  Not bad, not bad! Considering the lovely brunch I had with my family yesterday after Church…inclusive of dessert, I might add. So why am I not feeling guilty about it? Well, I have realized that a little portion control seems to go a long way. I’m not the type of person to weigh and measure every bite of food that I put in my mouth, but this weekend showed me that by having small portions of some of my favorite foods, I can actually be able to eat my cake and have it. Well…not that I would make a habit of it, but at least for a once-in-a-while treat.

And the size 22 jeans are a perfect fit!!! In fact, maybe even a little roomy!!! Whoop whoop!

I’m actually daring to start thinking about small goals. This may be dangerous because if I miss the mark, I don’t want negative thinking to sabotage me. Will aiming to lose an extra 20kg before Christmas be too much of a stretch? As we normally do, it will be spent in the village, and I need to have lost enough to make up for anything I’ll gain. My juicing and smoothie-ing just won’t work there. My Father-in-law just might throw me and my blender out of his house!

 

October 14th, 2009

I have really started getting into this smoothie business, and I recently came up with a new recipe, which has fast become a favourite of mine. It’s spinach (or ugwu), lemon, ginger, celery, carrots and apples. The lemon and ginger give it that extra zing, and the apples keep it cool and refreshing. In fact, I can drink it all day (insert smug grin here)!

Just as I was feeling cool with myself, sipping on my new cocktail (I prefer to call my smoothies that…lol!), I got a WhatsApp message from JJ on BBM, reminding me to pick up a gift for his friend’s wife, whose birthday get together we were attending the next evening. Gosh, I had forgotten about that!

Hmmm…it’s time to see the frenemies….

 

 

Catch up on Ihunna’s story here:

  1. Confessions of a Fat Girl 1: Grubbido
  2. Confessions of a Fat Girl 2: Fragile
  3. Confessions of a Fat Girl 3: Defiant
  4. Confessions of a Fat Girl 4: Progress
  5. Confessions of a Fat Girl 5: The Gym
  6. Confessions of a Fat Girl 6: Killjoy

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