Confessions of a Fat Girl 90: Regret

3
1088

25th March, 2010

The last two nights with Chidera have been a mixed bag…with good, and not-so-good times. I guess that first night I stayed with her, she’d been so happy for the company, that her spirits had remained high. Well, by Tuesday night, the gist and laughter gave way to tears…a lot of tears. After dinner, and after her kids had gone to bed, we’d been watching reruns of Friends on TV, and the episode of Ross’ wedding to Emily in London, where he called Rachel’s name instead of Emily’s when exchanging their vows, apparently brought a lot of memories for her. She and Somto had watched that episode, and many others, in the first year of their marriage, when all was still sweet and beautiful.

“He used to love me, Ihunna! You remember how he used to love me!” she cried. “How could it all change…just like that? What did I do to drive him away?”

I didn’t have to courage to repeat my sister-in-law, Ezioma’s weight conspiracy theory, and instead just consoled her.

After a while, the tears had given way to anger…with Chidera regretting the day she agreed to be introduced to Somto.

“That short man devil! I wonder why I even gave him any audience! You know that I had much more handsome toasters those days! More Handsome and even wealthier toasters! Why I agreed to marry that Mama’s boy is a mystery to me!”

I didn’t bother reminding her about how badly she had treated the said wealthier and more handsome toasters. Back then, her every thought, word, and action had revolved around the wonderful Somto, her London boyfriend.

“Marrying that man was the biggest mistake of my life!!!” she lamented.

I also didn’t bother reminding her of the beautiful children she wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t married him.

Before long, the anger had given way to tears of longing.

“I can’t live without him, Ihunna! Somto is my life! How am I expected to live the rest of my life alone? How am I expected to raise these kids on my own? I have to go after him! He can’t leave me alone like this! He can’t.”

That Tuesday night had been really rough, but thankfully, last night had been better. We had decided not bring up his name at all…whether for good, or bad. And instead, we just focused on her, and how she was feeling.

“I’m hurt…I’m angry…I’m confused…I’m betrayed…I’m worried…but most of all, I’m afraid,” she had confided.

So, we’d spent the evening, talking about possibilities for her…ways for her to move forward with her life. And then, we’d called Akwaugo, as I knew she needed to talk to someone who’d gone through what she had.

Luckily, we were able to reach Akwaugo, and she had been very sad to hear about Chidera’s situation.

“I knew it wasn’t like you to just bail like that!” she remarked, referring to Chidera’s disappearing act in Enugu.

“How did you cope…when Kel left you?” Chidera had asked.

“Nwanne’m, it wasn’t easy oh!” Akwaugo admitted. “The first year was rough! It was real rough! You both know just how rough it was for me. Kel and his new woman were all I could think about. All I did, morning and night, was obsess about them, and what they were up to! I tortured myself with unflattering comparisons with her, and literally drove myself insane. Even when I got pretty much everything in the divorce, it didn’t do much to cure my obsession. But eventually, I had to get a grip of myself. I had to think about my children. I knew I couldn’t afford to fall apart, all because their father had left me for some woman. So, I decided to do the polar opposite of what I’d been doing…which was to go completely cold turkey about anything that had to do with Kel and his woman. Which is why I always got angry whenever anyone mentioned his name. I literally had to go that extreme, to stop myself from thinking about him…”

“And now, 3 years later, you are completely over him?” Chidera asked.

“For the first time in 3 years, I can honestly say I am well and truly over him!” Akwaugo answered. “Those days, all I dreamt about was Kel crawling back to beg me to take him back. That thought was what I lived for. Now, he’s doing just that, and I can’t be bothered!”

“And it’s all because of this new guy you’re dating…what’s his name again?” Chidera asked.

For the splittest of seconds, I could have sworn I heard her hesitate, before calling Zach’s name. She quickly got off the phone, after telling Chidera to call her anytime she needed to talk.

And trust my dear cousin to be her astute self, despite her heartbreak.

“Didn’t I tell you that oyibo guy is a sham?! She couldn’t even remember his name!” she laughed.

I thought about it for a second, before choosing to brush it off. “No now! You know they only just started dating. It’s normal to forget sometimes. It happens to the best of us.”

But deep down inside, it made me truly wonder!

 

Untitled

 

 

Photo Credit

  1. http://mountainroseblog.com

 

Catch up on Ihunna’s story here:

  1. Confessions of a Fat Girl 1: Grubbido
  2. Confessions of a Fat Girl 2: Fragile
  3. Confessions of a Fat Girl 3: Defiant
  4. Confessions of a Fat Girl 4: Progress
  5. Confessions of a Fat Girl 5: The Gym
  6. Confessions of a Fat Girl 6: Killjoy
  7. Confessions of a Fat Girl 7: Pain
  8. Confessions of a Fat Girl 8: Frenemies
  9. Confessions of a Fat Girl 9: Exhilarated
  10. Confessions of a Fat Girl 10: Popcorn
  11. Confessions of a Fat Girl 11: Free-fall
  12. Confessions of a Fat Girl 12: Sunday Morning
  13. Confessions of a Fat Girl 13: Mission Reactivated
  14. Confessions of a Fat Girl 14: New Things
  15. Confessions of a Fat Girl 15: Bad Business
  16. Confessions of a Fat Girl 16: Luxury Items
  17. Confessions of a Fat Girl 17: The Solution
  18. Confessions of a Fat Girl 18: Magic Formula
  19. Confessions of a Fat Girl 19: Date Night
  20. Confessions of a Fat Girl 20: Quinoa
  21. Confessions of a Fat Girl 21: Perfect Fit
  22. Confessions of a Fat Girl 22: Keeping In Touch
  23. Confessions of a Fat Girl 23: Delete
  24. Confessions of a Fat Girl 24: Philosophical
  25. Confessions of a Fat Girl 25: Keep it Moving
  26. Confessions of a Fat Girl 26: My Co-Wife
  27. Confessions of a Fat Girl 27: Old Jeans & Old Friends
  28. Confessions of a Fat Girl 28: Prawn Stir Fry
  29. Confessions of a Fat Girl 29: Facebook Tagging
  30. Confessions of a Fat Girl 30: Detox Part 2
  31. Confessions of a Fat Girl 31: Abs & Crunches
  32. Confessions of a Fat Girl 32: Making Notes
  33. Confessions of a Fat Girl 33: Christmas Party
  34. Confessions of a Fat Girl 34: Ashiedu
  35. Confessions of a Fat Girl 35: Willpower
  36. Confessions of a Fat Girl 36: Packing…and TV
  37. Confessions of a Fat Girl 37: Last Minute
  38. Confessions of a Fat Girl 38: Body Image
  39. Confessions of a Fat Girl 39: Christmas Trip
  40. Confessions of a Fat Girl 40: Christmas in the Village
  41. Confessions of a Fat Girl 41: Daddy’s Girl
  42. Confessions of a Fat Girl 42: 2010
  43. Confessions of a Fat Girl 43: Uzoamaka
  44. Confessions of a Fat Girl 44: Sugar Binge
  45. Confessions of a Fat Girl 45: The E-mail
  46. Confessions of a Fat Girl 46: She whose name must not be repeated
  47. Confessions of a Fat Girl 47: Smokescreen
  48. Confessions of a Fat Girl 48: Running away
  49. Confessions of a Fat Girl 49: Fry-Up
  50. Confessions of a Fat Girl 50: The Only Solution
  51. Confessions of a Fat Girl 51: The Intervention
  52. Confessions of a Fat Girl 52: Tri-State Sisters
  53. Confessions of a Fat Girl 53: Manhattan
  54. Confessions of a Fat Girl 54: Daddy’s Girls
  55. Confessions of a Fat Girl 55: Stunned Silence
  56. Confessions of a Fat Girl 56: Bereavement
  57. Confessions of a Fat Girl 57: The Reconciliation
  58. Confessions of a Fat Girl 58: Staying Back
  59. Confessions of a Fat Girl 59: Friends & Marriage Proposals
  60. Confessions of a Fat Girl 60: Colourful and Happy
  61. Confessions of a Fat Girl 61: Sweet Potato & Chicken Salad
  62. Confessions of a Fat Girl 62: Miss Amerikana
  63. Confessions of a Fat Girl 63: Tragi-Romantic
  64. Confessions of a Fat Girl 64: Dead to me
  65. Confessions of a Fat Girl 65: Love Triangle
  66. Confessions of a Fat Girl 66: Forever my lady
  67. Confessions of a Fat Girl 67: Fight to the death
  68. Confessions of a Fat Girl 68: Hard choice to make
  69. Confessions of a Fat Girl 69: Back to reality
  70. Confessions of a Fat Girl 70: Life Reflections
  71. Confessions of a Fat Girl 71: Oatmeal, Blueberry & Banana Pancakes
  72. Confessions of a Fat Girl 72: The Engagement
  73. Confessions of a Fat Girl 73: Pillow Talk
  74. Confessions of a Fat Girl 74: Secretive Sister
  75. Confessions of a Fat Girl 75: Homemade Soup
  76. Confessions of a Fat Girl 76: Nna Men!
  77. Confessions of a Fat Girl 77: Comfort Food…Healthy Food
  78. Confessions of a Fat Girl 78: Miracle Working God
  79. Confessions of a Fat Girl 79: Lumps, Bumps and Jiggles
  80. Confessions of a Fat Girl 80: Oyibo Boyfriend
  81. Confessions of a Fat Girl 81: Wedding Gowns 
  82. Confessions of a Fat Girl 82: My New Friend
  83. Confessions of a Fat Girl 83: Emotional vs Physical Hunger
  84. Confessions of a Fat Girl 84: Look like an Mgbeke
  85. Confessions of a Fat Girl 85: Food Cravings
  86. Confessions of a Fat Girl 86: Who am I?
  87. Confessions of a Fat Girl 87: Separation, Counselling…Divorce
  88. Confessions of a Fat Girl 88: A Man’s World
  89. Confessions of a Fat Girl 89: Envy, Weight and Love!

1+

3 COMMENTS

  1. I think so too @bosa. It all fits kind of perfectly.

    But then again, I wouldn’t be mad. Chiemela is a good guy and there is no reason Akwaugo shouldn’t find happiness with him just because he toasted the older sister first.

    At this point in life, one should focus on happiness. 🙂

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here