December 4th, 2009
All week, I have felt myself coming down with a cold. But this morning, it manifested into a full-on coughing, sneezing, nose blowing extravaganza! For the first time, I understood those flu med adverts, where people walk around with a head twice the size of their bodies. I sure did feel like my head was at least 3 times the size of my body!
But no way oh! After all the reckless eating earlier this week, nothing could keep me away from the gym. Bearing in mind I only have one extra week before the kids go on vacation, and I might not have as much time to go there as possible, I decided to go, cold regardless.
So, I have a confession! In all these weeks of my obsessive gyming, I haven’t been able to manage a decent squat. My trainer has tried and tried to teach me, and even put them in my weight training routine, but I just couldn’t manage one. So he showed me a modified version, where I squat to sit on a bench, except I don’t actually sit on the bench, but stand back up right before touching it.
Well, today I did a squat! I was shocked. I tried to do one and voila! I went on to do 3 sets of 8. Amazing! I was so proud of myself, secretly grinning inside the entire time I was doing them. To be honest, I don’t know where the strength came from because this is the first time I did any lower body weight training since my trainer showed me the bench compromise. But I was sure glad I did.
And with my new Wande Coal Bumper-to-Bumper album, I was even more pumped and roaring to go!
Sad part was my cold though, as it tried to zap my energy and motivation. There have been so many times in the past when a cold would be enough to throw me off my whole routine, but I thank God for where I am today! I won’t lie that I had those few moments, lying in bed this morning, when I considered giving in to the cold, and staying in bed all day. But I had to ask myself the question, “Am I not working out because I’m sick or because I’m falling off the wagon?” And when I remembered all the pancakes, rice, and chicken I ate earlier in the week, I was as determined as heck for it not to be the latter.
And I’m glad I made it. The gym was great fun today, and I was so happy to be there. That’s the kind of association I want my mind to have with the gym.
I go to the gym because I want to, because it feels good, because I enjoy having a healthy, strong, functional body that allows me to do the things I want to do.
That will only make the entire experience that much easier!
December 5th, 2009
So, someone tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It was the first thing I saw when I checked my phone, right after my morning prayers. The tagging had apparently happened overnight, and by the time I woke up, there were over 100 comments on the post. And it almost ruined my whole day.
The picture was taken sometime last year, when I was at my very heaviest. It had been at a friend’s child’s beach birthday party, and I had been foolish enough to wear a pair of shorts (albeit knee-length ones), and a t-shirt that was snugger than what I ordinarily would have worn at the time.
Needless to say, I looked like an overfed pig. Looking at the picture, I didn’t even realize I had looked that bad that day. But I had. The shorts had bunched around my knee, in very unflattering folds, my stomach looked like it would rip right through the flimsy jersey fabric of the top I was wearing, and my cheeks! Oh, my cheeks! I’m surprised there was room for anyone else in that picture, as my cheeks simply usurped the entire space!
And my dear Facebook family, not knowing that I no longer quite look like that, went in on me! There were varied comments, but all running along the same lines. What had happened to me? I looked awful. I better lose weight. Yes, it wasn’t the first time this kind of thing would happen to me on Facebook, but it stung a whole lot more this time.
Sitting on my bed, and meditating, I decided that any behavioral change on my part would be more effective if I visualize the positive changes I want to make, as opposed to the negative things I fear. This means that instead of looking at fat pictures of myself, and telling myself I have to avoid this, I need to envision myself doing those things I enjoy. By far, I feel more motivated by the opportunities being in shape brings, rather than a perpetual fear of being fat.
So if I take a look at my “reasons to be in shape” I should throw out the negative/scary ones and only keep the positive ones.
I have to be in shape…
- Not so that I’m not stuck, bored, in my house on holidays and weekends, but because I want to do more with my life!
- Not so that my children don’t grow up playing video games and watching TV all day long, but because I want to be able to create for them a fun, adventurous childhood.
- Not so that I don’t have to shop in the fat clothes section of the store, but so that I can wear the clothes I want to wear – shorts in the summer, fitted button down shirts, skirts, dresses, whatever.
- Not so that I can stop worrying about how I look, or what people are going to think of me, but so that I can apply my energy toward things I enjoy.
- Not so that I won’t cringe when I look at pictures of myself, but so that I can look at pictures of myself and see the big smile on my face, in addition to all the other things in the picture, not just the fat!
This is really resonating with me for a bunch of reasons. First, there is absolutely no benefit to thinking about negative things? Or thinking about things that scare me, or make me feel like bad, or bring me down. These don’t inspire me. Thinking about feeling good, looking good, having fun…now these inspire me.
And with these in mind, I was able to go on with the rest of my day, without giving the picture any further thought.
Catch up on Ihunna’s story here:
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 1: Grubbido
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 2: Fragile
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 3: Defiant
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 4: Progress
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 5: The Gym
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 6: Killjoy
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 7: Pain
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 8: Frenemies
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 9: Exhilarated
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 10: Popcorn
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 11: Free-fall
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 12: Sunday Morning
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 13: Mission Reactivated
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 14: New Things
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 15: Bad Business
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 16: Luxury Items
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 17: The Solution
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 18: Magic Formula
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 19: Date Night
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 20: Quinoa
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 21: Perfect Fit
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 22: Keeping In Touch
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 23: Delete
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 24: Philosophical
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 25: Keep it Moving
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 26: My Co-Wife
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 27: Old Jeans & Old Friends
- Confessions of a Fat Girl 28: Prawn Stir Fry