Confessions of a Fat Girl 137: Welcome to the Real World!

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June 25th, 2010

Hmmm, just when I was thinking I was going to end my week in peace.

At 3am this morning, I was awoken to a phone call from Akwaugo. Seeing her name, I immediately sat up in fright, not knowing why she would be calling me at that time of the night.

“Ihunna, it’s like your sister wants to come and steal my man oh!” came her indignant voice.

I shook my head, confused, and angry about having being awoken to hear such mess.

“What are you talking about?! Is that why you are calling me at this hour of day?! Do you know what time it is here?!”

“Ever since Ogonna arrived on Wednesday, that has been all Chiemela has been talking about! Ogonna this! Ogonna that! Those two should stop putting me in the middle oh! If they know they want to be together, let them just talk now!” Akwaugo had continued, ignoring my anger.

Sitting back, I closed my eyes and braced myself for a long conversation, as I knew there was no escaping this one.

Ogonna left for the States on Tuesday, for her agreed rotation at her clinic. It turns out that she’d arrived on Wednesday, and Akwaugo and Chiemela had gone to see her that evening. It was Chiemela’s first time in Ogonna’s house, and so impressed was he by the décor that it’s apparently all he’s been talking about ever since.

“Akwaugo, but it’s common knowledge that Ogonna has a nice house. Everyone that goes there says so. And you made it sound like it’s Ogonna he’s been talking about…and not her interior design.”

“It’s Ogonna he really wants! I can see it in his eyes! He’s just masquerading his feelings underneath interest in her décor, but we both know what it is he really wants!”

I rubbed my eyes in frustration. “Akwaugo, this your growing paranoia isn’t sexy at all. Why are you so insecure, especially when it comes to Ogonna and Chiemela?!”

But even I knew the answer to that one. As Ogonna was the first person he had loved, one almost couldn’t blame Akwaugo for being a bit insecure. Well…almost!

“This Chiemela is just really getting on my nerves! Can you believe he still hasn’t proposed? Almost 2 months since we’ve been back from Nigeria, and yet nothing! I’m really tired of him stringing me on. If he didn’t know what he wanted, why did he even look my way? Why did he…”

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And that was how she’d ranted until it was almost 5am, after which she was neither convinced that Chiemela had no ulterior motives for admiring Ogonna’s house, nor was she appeased about his perceived delay in popping the big question.

My sister can be a real case!

Realising that she had murdered sleep for me, I woke up to say my prayers and do some meditation. When I was done, I went down to the kitchen to help pack the children’s lunch boxes; mine and Chidera’s, even though there was hardly any distinction between them these days. At about 6.30am, she walked through the kitchen, on her way to work.

“Oh, that looks good!” she said chirpily, grabbing a doughnut and biting into it.

I looked at her with a raised brow. “I see you are still in a happy mood. Okei must have really given it to you good, last weekend!”

What I had intended as a jab had the opposite effect and instead tickled her no end, as she had giggled like a school girl. Watching her laugh, I was so irritated, I felt like giving her a slap.

“I know you want me to tell you about what we’ve decided…but all in good time!” she said, a wide smile on her face.

“Does that ‘we’ include his wife?” I asked, and the smile on her face finally disappeared.

Bingo!

“What does his wife have to do with anything?” she asked, irritated.

“Ho, ho, ho! Everything, my darling! She has everything to do with it!” I laughed sarcastically. See this my cousin asking what a woman has to do with her husband’s pregnant mistress. “You too, think now! If Somto had impregnated a woman, you think you wouldn’t have had a thing or two to say about it?!”

“This isn’t Somto and I. Okei has been married for all of 6 months?!” she replied, vehemently.

“And that makes it better? Don’t deceive yourself!” I responded, looking her bang in the eye. As we stood in a face-off, Legachi walked into the kitchen, and Chidera hissed, grabbed another doughnut and left the house.

“Sis…the father of Aunty Chichi’s baby is a married man?!” Legachi asked, her voice a half whisper and her face crestfallen.

I sighed deeply, not knowing what to say to my younger sister. I am so angry about the situation Chidera has roped all of us into! What will happen when the kids, hers and mine, start asking questions? What will I be expected to tell them then?

“Legachi, it’s a long story, biko!” I answered, hoping that would be enough to throw her scent off the trail.

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She’d lingered around the kitchen island for a few minutes, before walking away. The poor girl! I won’t be surprised if we have just shattered the all her fantasies. Her older cousin pregnant for a married man? The poor thing has probably never heard of such.

Welcome to the real world, Legachi!

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Catch up on Ihunna’s story here:

  1. Confessions of a Fat Girl 1: Grubbido
  2. Confessions of a Fat Girl 2: Fragile
  3. Confessions of a Fat Girl 3: Defiant
  4. Confessions of a Fat Girl 4: Progress
  5. Confessions of a Fat Girl 5: The Gym
  6. Confessions of a Fat Girl 6: Killjoy
  7. Confessions of a Fat Girl 7: Pain
  8. Confessions of a Fat Girl 8: Frenemies
  9. Confessions of a Fat Girl 9: Exhilarated
  10. Confessions of a Fat Girl 10: Popcorn
  11. Confessions of a Fat Girl 11: Free-fall
  12. Confessions of a Fat Girl 12: Sunday Morning
  13. Confessions of a Fat Girl 13: Mission Reactivated
  14. Confessions of a Fat Girl 14: New Things
  15. Confessions of a Fat Girl 15: Bad Business
  16. Confessions of a Fat Girl 16: Luxury Items
  17. Confessions of a Fat Girl 17: The Solution
  18. Confessions of a Fat Girl 18: Magic Formula
  19. Confessions of a Fat Girl 19: Date Night
  20. Confessions of a Fat Girl 20: Quinoa
  21. Confessions of a Fat Girl 21: Perfect Fit
  22. Confessions of a Fat Girl 22: Keeping In Touch
  23. Confessions of a Fat Girl 23: Delete
  24. Confessions of a Fat Girl 24: Philosophical
  25. Confessions of a Fat Girl 25: Keep it Moving
  26. Confessions of a Fat Girl 26: My Co-Wife
  27. Confessions of a Fat Girl 27: Old Jeans & Old Friends
  28. Confessions of a Fat Girl 28: Prawn Stir Fry
  29. Confessions of a Fat Girl 29: Facebook Tagging
  30. Confessions of a Fat Girl 30: Detox Part 2
  31. Confessions of a Fat Girl 31: Abs & Crunches
  32. Confessions of a Fat Girl 32: Making Notes
  33. Confessions of a Fat Girl 33: Christmas Party
  34. Confessions of a Fat Girl 34: Ashiedu
  35. Confessions of a Fat Girl 35: Willpower
  36. Confessions of a Fat Girl 36: Packing…and TV
  37. Confessions of a Fat Girl 37: Last Minute
  38. Confessions of a Fat Girl 38: Body Image
  39. Confessions of a Fat Girl 39: Christmas Trip
  40. Confessions of a Fat Girl 40: Christmas in the Village
  41. Confessions of a Fat Girl 41: Daddy’s Girl
  42. Confessions of a Fat Girl 42: 2010
  43. Confessions of a Fat Girl 43: Uzoamaka
  44. Confessions of a Fat Girl 44: Sugar Binge
  45. Confessions of a Fat Girl 45: The E-mail
  46. Confessions of a Fat Girl 46: She whose name must not be repeated
  47. Confessions of a Fat Girl 47: Smokescreen
  48. Confessions of a Fat Girl 48: Running away
  49. Confessions of a Fat Girl 49: Fry-Up
  50. Confessions of a Fat Girl 50: The Only Solution
  51. Confessions of a Fat Girl 51: The Intervention
  52. Confessions of a Fat Girl 52: Tri-State Sisters
  53. Confessions of a Fat Girl 53: Manhattan
  54. Confessions of a Fat Girl 54: Daddy’s Girls
  55. Confessions of a Fat Girl 55: Stunned Silence
  56. Confessions of a Fat Girl 56: Bereavement
  57. Confessions of a Fat Girl 57: The Reconciliation
  58. Confessions of a Fat Girl 58: Staying Back
  59. Confessions of a Fat Girl 59: Friends & Marriage Proposals
  60. Confessions of a Fat Girl 60: Colourful and Happy
  61. Confessions of a Fat Girl 61: Sweet Potato & Chicken Salad
  62. Confessions of a Fat Girl 62: Miss Amerikana
  63. Confessions of a Fat Girl 63: Tragi-Romantic
  64. Confessions of a Fat Girl 64: Dead to me
  65. Confessions of a Fat Girl 65: Love Triangle
  66. Confessions of a Fat Girl 66: Forever my lady
  67. Confessions of a Fat Girl 67: Fight to the death
  68. Confessions of a Fat Girl 68: Hard choice to make
  69. Confessions of a Fat Girl 69: Back to reality
  70. Confessions of a Fat Girl 70: Life Reflections
  71. Confessions of a Fat Girl 71: Oatmeal, Blueberry & Banana Pancakes
  72. Confessions of a Fat Girl 72: The Engagement
  73. Confessions of a Fat Girl 73: Pillow Talk
  74. Confessions of a Fat Girl 74: Secretive Sister
  75. Confessions of a Fat Girl 75: Homemade Soup
  76. Confessions of a Fat Girl 76: Nna Men!
  77. Confessions of a Fat Girl 77: Comfort Food…Healthy Food
  78. Confessions of a Fat Girl 78: Miracle Working God
  79. Confessions of a Fat Girl 79: Lumps, Bumps and Jiggles
  80. Confessions of a Fat Girl 80: Oyibo Boyfriend
  81. Confessions of a Fat Girl 81: Wedding Gowns 
  82. Confessions of a Fat Girl 82: My New Friend
  83. Confessions of a Fat Girl 83: Emotional vs Physical Hunger
  84. Confessions of a Fat Girl 84: Look like an Mgbeke
  85. Confessions of a Fat Girl 85: Food Cravings
  86. Confessions of a Fat Girl 86: Who am I?
  87. Confessions of a Fat Girl 87: Separation, Counselling…Divorce
  88. Confessions of a Fat Girl 88: A Man’s World
  89. Confessions of a Fat Girl 89: Envy, Weight and Love!
  90. Confessions of a Fat Girl 90: Regret
  91. Confessions of a Fat Girl 91: Time to move on
  92. Confessions of a Fat Girl 92: Have some fruit!
  93. Confessions of a Fat Girl 93: Family Easter
  94. Confessions of a Fat Girl 94: Sister Reunion
  95. Confessions of a Fat Girl 95: Perfect Fit; Perfect Surprise
  96. Confessions of a Fat Girl 96: The Love Story
  97. Confessions of a Fat Girl 97: Caught in the middle
  98. Confessions of a Fat Girl 98: Kisses…and Blood
  99. Confessions of a Fat Girl 99: Past…or Present Tense
  100. Confessions of a Fat Girl 100: Jewel
  101. Confessions of a Fat Girl 101: “Ill find you…and I’ll kill you”
  102. Confessions of a Fat Girl 102: Homecoming
  103. Confessions of a Fat Girl 103: Fever Pitch
  104. Confessions of a Fat Girl 104: Whodunit?
  105. Confessions of a Fat Girl 105: The Hypocrite
  106. Confessions of a Fat Girl 106: Message from Mom
  107. Confessions of a Fat Girl 107: Accountability & Responsibility
  108. Confessions of a Fat Girl 108: It’s for the best
  109. Confessions of a Fat Girl 109: Port Harcourt
  110. Confessions of a Fat Girl 110: While you were away
  111. Confessions of a Fat Girl 111: Planning…and a little bit of Salmon
  112. Confessions of a Fat Girl 112: Putting yourself first
  113. Confessions of a Fat Girl 113: Fruit Crumble
  114. Confessions of a Fat Girl 114: Resting Heart Rate
  115. Confessions of a Fat Girl 115: Shishi, he no get
  116. Confessions of a Fat Girl 116: The truth hurts
  117. Confessions of a Fat Girl 117: Veggie Burger
  118. Confessions of a Fat Girl 118: Weight Watchers Porn
  119. Confessions of a Fat Girl 119: The Worst That Can Happen
  120. Confessions of a Fat Girl 120: Baby Dady
  121. Confessions of a Fat Girl 121: Not a Player
  122. Confessions of a Fat Girl 122: Fat versus Fit Brain
  123. Confessions of a Fat Girl 123: Aunty Caroline
  124. Confessions of a Fat Girl 124: Delete his number
  125. Confessions of a Fat Girl 125: Meal Planning
  126. Confessions of a Fat Girl 126: Food Shopping
  127. Confessions of a Fat Girl 127: The Baby Bump
  128. Confessions of a Fat Girl 128: Cavorting, Prevention & Spunk
  129. Confessions of a Fat Girl 129: The secret is out
  130. Confessions of a Fat Girl 130: Postpone the inevitable
  131. Confessions of a Fat Girl 131: Queen of Wishful Thinking
  132. Confessions of a Fat Girl 132: Fat Prison
  133. Confessions of a Fat Girl 133: Some time away
  134. Confessions of a Fat Girl 134: Taking life too seriously
  135. Confessions of a Fat Girl 135: Is this really me?
  136. Confessions of a Fat Girl 136: Soothing

 

 

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1 COMMENT

  1. hehehehe Akwaugo is very funny without intending to. She can just ask Chiemela the way forward na instead of waiting for him to pop the kweshun

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