Confessions of a Fat Girl 131: Queen of Wishful Thinking

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June 15th, 2010

And that’s how I sat in my living room for three hours, waiting for Okei to end this visit of his. As the minutes, and then hours, rolled by, I found my emotions evolving from anxiety to irritation to anger. I couldn’t help but pity Okei’s wife who was probably at home, also looking at the clock. When it was 11.45pm, I stormed upstairs, and knocked on her door. I was half prepared to catch them undressed, but thankfully, they were just sitting on the bed, arms around each other, talking deeply.

I didn’t know whether to hug him or punch him.

“Okei, it’s late. I’m sure your wife will be worried.” I retorted.

It’s like the word wife was enough to give my cousin small sense, as she immediately withdrew from his embrace. Yep, I had burst their bubble.

Reluctantly, he rose to his feet, and kissed Chidera’s forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As I walked him downstairs, I knew I had to ask. “What are you playing at?! Why are you complicating this issue?!”

He looked at me, as if confused. “How am I complicating issues? It’s my baby. This is where I’m supposed to be.”

“Okei, you have a place, but it’s not here. It’s wherever you call home…with your wife!” I said, beginning to sound like a broken record.

“Leave that to me. That is the very least of the issues…trust me, and not one we’ll have for much longer! When I met Chidera last year, if I had known she would one day be available, there wouldn’t even be a wife to talk about.”

I was still standing there, shell shocked, long after he had gone. I hope this silly boy isn’t thinking of ending his marriage?! I hope he doesn’t think my cousin is going to throw her life away by getting any deeper in this already deep and messy scandal.

Hian! I’m really tired.

I wasn’t surprised that I had a very fitful night. I tossed and turned almost the entire time, and my eyes popped wide open at 3.30am, my head racing thinking about all the possibilities that lay ahead. If word got out of Chidera and Okei’s affair, especially in their bank, my cousin would be toast bread. And what would happen if Okei’s wife decided to make trouble. Gosh, my heart still races worrying about those possibilities.

By 4.30, it was clear to me that there would be no sleep for me tonight. I got up and attempted to weigh myself…as I haven’t had a weigh-in in about two weeks, but on getting to the bathroom, I couldn’t bring myself to get on my scale. That was heavy my heart was.

At that point, I heard rustling from outside, and I knew Chidera was up already. I quietly let myself out of the bedroom, so as not to wake JJ up, and walked down the hallway to Chidera’s room. The babe was already getting herself dressed for work.

“You didn’t sleep either, abi?” I more remarked than asked, as I sat on her bed.

She shook her head. “I couldn’t. I think I’ve only just realised why you and Ogonna were so insistent about my hiding out in America for this pregnancy. I wish I had listened to you.”

“What did you and Okei talk about yesterday?” I asked.

She shrugged. “He said he loves me, and he wants to be with me, and that he’ll leave his wife…bla bla bla.”

“And what do you want?” I was almost afraid to ask her.

fatigue-clipart-tired-woman

She was quiet for a few minutes. “I don’t want that. I don’t want to break another woman’s home. Besides, he’s much too young. It was okay when it was just sex…but a relationship? I’m not sure if that can work.”

“What are you going to tell him?” I asked, knowing she knew fully well how emotionally invested Okei already is.

“The truth. He can be a part of the baby’s life, but we won’t be a couple…we can’t.” she answered, her voice so quite, it was almost a whisper.

Taking her hand in mine, we sat on that bed, and prayed. What started out as a short prayer for direction should became a 30-minute marathon, with us invoking the wisdom of Our Lord in this precarious matter at hand, this mess we had found ourselves in.

After she had left for work, I called Ogonna, to bring her up to speed with all that’s been happening.

“Hmmmmmm” she sighed deeply. “This is messy! I am happy that she and Okei are speaking, but not at all happy about the fact that their relationship is now public knowledge!”

“It’s only Amanda that knows…and she might not tell anyone?” I said, knowing fully well I was being the queen of the highest level of wishful thinking.

“Amanda won’t tell anyone? Are you for real? The best friend of Chidera’s estranged-husband’s sister won’t tell anyone that she has been impregnated by a junior colleague? You know that’s not possible. As we speak, be rest assured that half of their bank…not branch oh…has heard the gist!”

My heart crashed. “What can she do now?” I asked, in full panic mode.

“She needs to apply for an early leave…and QUICKLY too! She can’t afford to hang around. Let her leave before the gist gets too intense. By the time she’s back, everyone would have moved on to the next gist!”

That was where Ogonna and I left our conversation this morning, and I am in full support. When Chidera gets home tonight, we are going to have a heart-to-heart talk!

Alas, my anxiety made me do what I haven’t done in a few months…emotional eating. As I munched on a slice of leftover cake from a birthday party my kids attended over the weekend, I consoled myself with the fact that it would only be for one day, and one day alone. It will be a double tragedy if I add falling off my fitness wagon to the issues we already have!

 

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Photo Credit

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Catch up on Ihunna’s story here:

  1. Confessions of a Fat Girl 1: Grubbido
  2. Confessions of a Fat Girl 2: Fragile
  3. Confessions of a Fat Girl 3: Defiant
  4. Confessions of a Fat Girl 4: Progress
  5. Confessions of a Fat Girl 5: The Gym
  6. Confessions of a Fat Girl 6: Killjoy
  7. Confessions of a Fat Girl 7: Pain
  8. Confessions of a Fat Girl 8: Frenemies
  9. Confessions of a Fat Girl 9: Exhilarated
  10. Confessions of a Fat Girl 10: Popcorn
  11. Confessions of a Fat Girl 11: Free-fall
  12. Confessions of a Fat Girl 12: Sunday Morning
  13. Confessions of a Fat Girl 13: Mission Reactivated
  14. Confessions of a Fat Girl 14: New Things
  15. Confessions of a Fat Girl 15: Bad Business
  16. Confessions of a Fat Girl 16: Luxury Items
  17. Confessions of a Fat Girl 17: The Solution
  18. Confessions of a Fat Girl 18: Magic Formula
  19. Confessions of a Fat Girl 19: Date Night
  20. Confessions of a Fat Girl 20: Quinoa
  21. Confessions of a Fat Girl 21: Perfect Fit
  22. Confessions of a Fat Girl 22: Keeping In Touch
  23. Confessions of a Fat Girl 23: Delete
  24. Confessions of a Fat Girl 24: Philosophical
  25. Confessions of a Fat Girl 25: Keep it Moving
  26. Confessions of a Fat Girl 26: My Co-Wife
  27. Confessions of a Fat Girl 27: Old Jeans & Old Friends
  28. Confessions of a Fat Girl 28: Prawn Stir Fry
  29. Confessions of a Fat Girl 29: Facebook Tagging
  30. Confessions of a Fat Girl 30: Detox Part 2
  31. Confessions of a Fat Girl 31: Abs & Crunches
  32. Confessions of a Fat Girl 32: Making Notes
  33. Confessions of a Fat Girl 33: Christmas Party
  34. Confessions of a Fat Girl 34: Ashiedu
  35. Confessions of a Fat Girl 35: Willpower
  36. Confessions of a Fat Girl 36: Packing…and TV
  37. Confessions of a Fat Girl 37: Last Minute
  38. Confessions of a Fat Girl 38: Body Image
  39. Confessions of a Fat Girl 39: Christmas Trip
  40. Confessions of a Fat Girl 40: Christmas in the Village
  41. Confessions of a Fat Girl 41: Daddy’s Girl
  42. Confessions of a Fat Girl 42: 2010
  43. Confessions of a Fat Girl 43: Uzoamaka
  44. Confessions of a Fat Girl 44: Sugar Binge
  45. Confessions of a Fat Girl 45: The E-mail
  46. Confessions of a Fat Girl 46: She whose name must not be repeated
  47. Confessions of a Fat Girl 47: Smokescreen
  48. Confessions of a Fat Girl 48: Running away
  49. Confessions of a Fat Girl 49: Fry-Up
  50. Confessions of a Fat Girl 50: The Only Solution
  51. Confessions of a Fat Girl 51: The Intervention
  52. Confessions of a Fat Girl 52: Tri-State Sisters
  53. Confessions of a Fat Girl 53: Manhattan
  54. Confessions of a Fat Girl 54: Daddy’s Girls
  55. Confessions of a Fat Girl 55: Stunned Silence
  56. Confessions of a Fat Girl 56: Bereavement
  57. Confessions of a Fat Girl 57: The Reconciliation
  58. Confessions of a Fat Girl 58: Staying Back
  59. Confessions of a Fat Girl 59: Friends & Marriage Proposals
  60. Confessions of a Fat Girl 60: Colourful and Happy
  61. Confessions of a Fat Girl 61: Sweet Potato & Chicken Salad
  62. Confessions of a Fat Girl 62: Miss Amerikana
  63. Confessions of a Fat Girl 63: Tragi-Romantic
  64. Confessions of a Fat Girl 64: Dead to me
  65. Confessions of a Fat Girl 65: Love Triangle
  66. Confessions of a Fat Girl 66: Forever my lady
  67. Confessions of a Fat Girl 67: Fight to the death
  68. Confessions of a Fat Girl 68: Hard choice to make
  69. Confessions of a Fat Girl 69: Back to reality
  70. Confessions of a Fat Girl 70: Life Reflections
  71. Confessions of a Fat Girl 71: Oatmeal, Blueberry & Banana Pancakes
  72. Confessions of a Fat Girl 72: The Engagement
  73. Confessions of a Fat Girl 73: Pillow Talk
  74. Confessions of a Fat Girl 74: Secretive Sister
  75. Confessions of a Fat Girl 75: Homemade Soup
  76. Confessions of a Fat Girl 76: Nna Men!
  77. Confessions of a Fat Girl 77: Comfort Food…Healthy Food
  78. Confessions of a Fat Girl 78: Miracle Working God
  79. Confessions of a Fat Girl 79: Lumps, Bumps and Jiggles
  80. Confessions of a Fat Girl 80: Oyibo Boyfriend
  81. Confessions of a Fat Girl 81: Wedding Gowns 
  82. Confessions of a Fat Girl 82: My New Friend
  83. Confessions of a Fat Girl 83: Emotional vs Physical Hunger
  84. Confessions of a Fat Girl 84: Look like an Mgbeke
  85. Confessions of a Fat Girl 85: Food Cravings
  86. Confessions of a Fat Girl 86: Who am I?
  87. Confessions of a Fat Girl 87: Separation, Counselling…Divorce
  88. Confessions of a Fat Girl 88: A Man’s World
  89. Confessions of a Fat Girl 89: Envy, Weight and Love!
  90. Confessions of a Fat Girl 90: Regret
  91. Confessions of a Fat Girl 91: Time to move on
  92. Confessions of a Fat Girl 92: Have some fruit!
  93. Confessions of a Fat Girl 93: Family Easter
  94. Confessions of a Fat Girl 94: Sister Reunion
  95. Confessions of a Fat Girl 95: Perfect Fit; Perfect Surprise
  96. Confessions of a Fat Girl 96: The Love Story
  97. Confessions of a Fat Girl 97: Caught in the middle
  98. Confessions of a Fat Girl 98: Kisses…and Blood
  99. Confessions of a Fat Girl 99: Past…or Present Tense
  100. Confessions of a Fat Girl 100: Jewel
  101. Confessions of a Fat Girl 101: “Ill find you…and I’ll kill you”
  102. Confessions of a Fat Girl 102: Homecoming
  103. Confessions of a Fat Girl 103: Fever Pitch
  104. Confessions of a Fat Girl 104: Whodunit?
  105. Confessions of a Fat Girl 105: The Hypocrite
  106. Confessions of a Fat Girl 106: Message from Mom
  107. Confessions of a Fat Girl 107: Accountability & Responsibility
  108. Confessions of a Fat Girl 108: It’s for the best
  109. Confessions of a Fat Girl 109: Port Harcourt
  110. Confessions of a Fat Girl 110: While you were away
  111. Confessions of a Fat Girl 111: Planning…and a little bit of Salmon
  112. Confessions of a Fat Girl 112: Putting yourself first
  113. Confessions of a Fat Girl 113: Fruit Crumble
  114. Confessions of a Fat Girl 114: Resting Heart Rate
  115. Confessions of a Fat Girl 115: Shishi, he no get
  116. Confessions of a Fat Girl 116: The truth hurts
  117. Confessions of a Fat Girl 117: Veggie Burger
  118. Confessions of a Fat Girl 118: Weight Watchers Porn
  119. Confessions of a Fat Girl 119: The Worst That Can Happen
  120. Confessions of a Fat Girl 120: Baby Dady
  121. Confessions of a Fat Girl 121: Not a Player
  122. Confessions of a Fat Girl 122: Fat versus Fit Brain
  123. Confessions of a Fat Girl 123: Aunty Caroline
  124. Confessions of a Fat Girl 124: Delete his number
  125. Confessions of a Fat Girl 125: Meal Planning
  126. Confessions of a Fat Girl 126: Food Shopping
  127. Confessions of a Fat Girl 127: The Baby Bump
  128. Confessions of a Fat Girl 128: Cavorting, Prevention & Spunk
  129. Confessions of a Fat Girl 129: The secret is out
  130. Confessions of a Fat Girl 130: Postpone the inevitable

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