Confessions of a Fat Girl 108: It’s For The Best!

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5th May, 2010

I couldn’t drag myself to the gym, as I still need time to recover from the excitement of the past few weeks. As soon as we return from Port Harcourt, hopefully I’ll be able to return to my routine.

Akwaugo’s friend from University invited her out this morning, so it was the first time I truly had the house to myself. I decided to binge watch a few of my favourite series, starting today with Glee and The Good Wife. I was only a few episodes in, when I heard a car drive into the compound. Peeping out, I saw that it was Chidera’s. What was she doing home at 11am in the morning?

“Chichi, is everything okay?” I asked, as she walked into the living room.

She smiled and nodded. “I overheard Akwaugo saying she was going out this morning. I figured this would be the best time to catch you alone.”

I sat up, and motioned for her to sit next to me. We both knew it was high time to address the elephant in the room.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, my voice full of concern.

She shrugged. “I’m struggling…more mentally than physically. Physically, I’m actually fine…and not as bad as I would typically be at this stage of…”

I knew she couldn’t bring herself to say the word.

“How far gone are you?” I asked.

“From my calculation, a little over 6 weeks…”

“Listen…” I said, holding her hand. “Ogonna and I have been talking. She has suggested you take a one-year leave of absence, and go to her house in New Jersey. It will be easier for you to carry the pregnancy there. You could go with the kids. We both think that would be a much easier for you to go through with this.”

Chidera smiled sadly, and stared into space for a few minutes.

“And then what happens?” she asked “I might succeed in hiding from the rest of the world, but what do I tell my children? Who do I tell the baby his or her father is? Or do I go and break a fresh marriage, because I want a father for my baby?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly closed it, when I realized I couldn’t answer any of her questions.

“Nne, I love you for being there for me. I love you for trying to think of alternatives and solutions. But there is only one solution…” Chidera said, her voice quiet.

My heart dropped, as it dawned on me what she had decided to do.

“Chichi, no…” I moaned.

“It’s the only solution, Ihunna!” she answered, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I will be doing this child a disservice if I bring it into this world, considering my circumstances…”

drawing-woman-sad-art-Favim.com-1277454

By now, tears had already gathered in my eyes. I didn’t have to preach about the heartache and pain she would encounter after the procedure. As one of the closest people to me, she knows that I have never gotten over the one I had years ago.

I reached for her hand. “I’m here for you…you know that, right? Whenever you decide to have it, I’m going to be there with you…”

She pulled away her hand. “There’s no way I’m going to let you share in my sin. Let me face my punishment alone.”

As she walked away, my heart broke into a million little pieces. I knew she meant what she’d just said, as she had the same stoic, determined look on her face she’d had all those years ago, when she’d refused to be a part of my decision to terminate my pregnancy. Ironically, it had been for the same reason she’d given today…not wanting to ‘share in my sin’. If only she knew my love for her transcends all of that! I would rescue her from the throes of hell if it ever came down to it. But alas, she has put up her stone wall which, knowing Chidera, can be penetrated by nobody.

I was still feeling melancholy when Akwaugo returned from her outing, later in the afternoon. Chidera had already returned to work, and the kids were back from school.

My sister took a long look at me and shook her head. We might be as different as chalk and cheese, but Akwaugo and I have always been able to read each other like a book.

“Ihunna…it’s for the best!” was all she said, before rubbing my shoulder, and walking past me out of the kitchen.

But is it really for the best?

“Mummy…is it?” I asked, looking up at the ceiling, not quite sure if I was expecting to hear my Mom’s voice in return. I reached for my phone, to talk to the next closest person to my Mother, Ogonna, but I decided against stressing my newly wed sister with this piece of information.

It’s obvious that nothing can change Chidera’s mind…so we…or rather, I, just have to accept it, respect her decision, and support her.

 

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Photo Credit

  1. http://m.favim.com

 

Catch up on Ihunna’s story here:

  1. Confessions of a Fat Girl 1: Grubbido
  2. Confessions of a Fat Girl 2: Fragile
  3. Confessions of a Fat Girl 3: Defiant
  4. Confessions of a Fat Girl 4: Progress
  5. Confessions of a Fat Girl 5: The Gym
  6. Confessions of a Fat Girl 6: Killjoy
  7. Confessions of a Fat Girl 7: Pain
  8. Confessions of a Fat Girl 8: Frenemies
  9. Confessions of a Fat Girl 9: Exhilarated
  10. Confessions of a Fat Girl 10: Popcorn
  11. Confessions of a Fat Girl 11: Free-fall
  12. Confessions of a Fat Girl 12: Sunday Morning
  13. Confessions of a Fat Girl 13: Mission Reactivated
  14. Confessions of a Fat Girl 14: New Things
  15. Confessions of a Fat Girl 15: Bad Business
  16. Confessions of a Fat Girl 16: Luxury Items
  17. Confessions of a Fat Girl 17: The Solution
  18. Confessions of a Fat Girl 18: Magic Formula
  19. Confessions of a Fat Girl 19: Date Night
  20. Confessions of a Fat Girl 20: Quinoa
  21. Confessions of a Fat Girl 21: Perfect Fit
  22. Confessions of a Fat Girl 22: Keeping In Touch
  23. Confessions of a Fat Girl 23: Delete
  24. Confessions of a Fat Girl 24: Philosophical
  25. Confessions of a Fat Girl 25: Keep it Moving
  26. Confessions of a Fat Girl 26: My Co-Wife
  27. Confessions of a Fat Girl 27: Old Jeans & Old Friends
  28. Confessions of a Fat Girl 28: Prawn Stir Fry
  29. Confessions of a Fat Girl 29: Facebook Tagging
  30. Confessions of a Fat Girl 30: Detox Part 2
  31. Confessions of a Fat Girl 31: Abs & Crunches
  32. Confessions of a Fat Girl 32: Making Notes
  33. Confessions of a Fat Girl 33: Christmas Party
  34. Confessions of a Fat Girl 34: Ashiedu
  35. Confessions of a Fat Girl 35: Willpower
  36. Confessions of a Fat Girl 36: Packing…and TV
  37. Confessions of a Fat Girl 37: Last Minute
  38. Confessions of a Fat Girl 38: Body Image
  39. Confessions of a Fat Girl 39: Christmas Trip
  40. Confessions of a Fat Girl 40: Christmas in the Village
  41. Confessions of a Fat Girl 41: Daddy’s Girl
  42. Confessions of a Fat Girl 42: 2010
  43. Confessions of a Fat Girl 43: Uzoamaka
  44. Confessions of a Fat Girl 44: Sugar Binge
  45. Confessions of a Fat Girl 45: The E-mail
  46. Confessions of a Fat Girl 46: She whose name must not be repeated
  47. Confessions of a Fat Girl 47: Smokescreen
  48. Confessions of a Fat Girl 48: Running away
  49. Confessions of a Fat Girl 49: Fry-Up
  50. Confessions of a Fat Girl 50: The Only Solution
  51. Confessions of a Fat Girl 51: The Intervention
  52. Confessions of a Fat Girl 52: Tri-State Sisters
  53. Confessions of a Fat Girl 53: Manhattan
  54. Confessions of a Fat Girl 54: Daddy’s Girls
  55. Confessions of a Fat Girl 55: Stunned Silence
  56. Confessions of a Fat Girl 56: Bereavement
  57. Confessions of a Fat Girl 57: The Reconciliation
  58. Confessions of a Fat Girl 58: Staying Back
  59. Confessions of a Fat Girl 59: Friends & Marriage Proposals
  60. Confessions of a Fat Girl 60: Colourful and Happy
  61. Confessions of a Fat Girl 61: Sweet Potato & Chicken Salad
  62. Confessions of a Fat Girl 62: Miss Amerikana
  63. Confessions of a Fat Girl 63: Tragi-Romantic
  64. Confessions of a Fat Girl 64: Dead to me
  65. Confessions of a Fat Girl 65: Love Triangle
  66. Confessions of a Fat Girl 66: Forever my lady
  67. Confessions of a Fat Girl 67: Fight to the death
  68. Confessions of a Fat Girl 68: Hard choice to make
  69. Confessions of a Fat Girl 69: Back to reality
  70. Confessions of a Fat Girl 70: Life Reflections
  71. Confessions of a Fat Girl 71: Oatmeal, Blueberry & Banana Pancakes
  72. Confessions of a Fat Girl 72: The Engagement
  73. Confessions of a Fat Girl 73: Pillow Talk
  74. Confessions of a Fat Girl 74: Secretive Sister
  75. Confessions of a Fat Girl 75: Homemade Soup
  76. Confessions of a Fat Girl 76: Nna Men!
  77. Confessions of a Fat Girl 77: Comfort Food…Healthy Food
  78. Confessions of a Fat Girl 78: Miracle Working God
  79. Confessions of a Fat Girl 79: Lumps, Bumps and Jiggles
  80. Confessions of a Fat Girl 80: Oyibo Boyfriend
  81. Confessions of a Fat Girl 81: Wedding Gowns 
  82. Confessions of a Fat Girl 82: My New Friend
  83. Confessions of a Fat Girl 83: Emotional vs Physical Hunger
  84. Confessions of a Fat Girl 84: Look like an Mgbeke
  85. Confessions of a Fat Girl 85: Food Cravings
  86. Confessions of a Fat Girl 86: Who am I?
  87. Confessions of a Fat Girl 87: Separation, Counselling…Divorce
  88. Confessions of a Fat Girl 88: A Man’s World
  89. Confessions of a Fat Girl 89: Envy, Weight and Love!
  90. Confessions of a Fat Girl 90: Regret
  91. Confessions of a Fat Girl 91: Time to move on
  92. Confessions of a Fat Girl 92: Have some fruit!
  93. Confessions of a Fat Girl 93: Family Easter
  94. Confessions of a Fat Girl 94: Sister Reunion
  95. Confessions of a Fat Girl 95: Perfect Fit; Perfect Surprise
  96. Confessions of a Fat Girl 96: The Love Story
  97. Confessions of a Fat Girl 97: Caught in the middle
  98. Confessions of a Fat Girl 98: Kisses…and Blood
  99. Confessions of a Fat Girl 99: Past…or Present Tense
  100. Confessions of a Fat Girl 100: Jewel
  101. Confessions of a Fat Girl 101: “Ill find you…and I’ll kill you”
  102. Confessions of a Fat Girl 102: Homecoming
  103. Confessions of a Fat Girl 103: Fever Pitch
  104. Confessions of a Fat Girl 104: Whodunit?
  105. Confessions of a Fat Girl 105: The Hypocrite
  106. Confessions of a Fat Girl 106: Message from Mom
  107. Confessions of a Fat Girl 107: Accountability & Responsibility

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