Been There, Done That, Over It!


I recently read a beautiful story titled When waiting becomes a distant memory, and I couldn’t help but relate it to that biblical verse that says when the fortunes of Zion were restored, we were like those who dreamt. When a dream comes true, it can feel surreal.

When a woman who has been longing for a child gets one, the outpouring of love on that child can feel like she had never waited for a child before. It’s such a blissful feeling. And when you have been a fanciful young lady, who had thoroughly enjoyed herself and explored her environment before motherhood came knocking, like Diana, then you know for a fact that child is very much welcome and not one of those stories some early starters like me tell.

A friend of mine got married a few Saturdays ago and it was a reunion of some sorts for my university mates. We were catching up real life (social media status can lie at times) about what everyone had been up to, since we last saw, surprises at the changes, when the discussion moved to the picture of Diana’s mom she had posted on Facebook recently, same picture and caption that had generated lot of comments, especially her captions. I guess it was natural that we talked about that picture again. See our lives! We went to party, but couldn’t leave our social media palaver out even for a moment. Hehe!

From Diana’s captions on her mom’s picture, she had mentioned that her mom had been a single mom of two kids, whom she was raising by herself, and she had still managed to look fashionable enough that she caught the attention of the man she later married, and is still married to till today.

What was not included in the caption was the story of a woman who had thoroughly enjoyed herself. She was born on Lagos Island to families originally from Lagos and so, she knew how to enjoy life to the hilt. Nothing fazed her. Diana said she grew up with a mom who knew all the happening spots on the island and more. And it was fun growing up with her, as she barely had time to frown or look downcast.

523-21Rather she was realistic with her kids, telling them her life was not the best and that they could do better for themselves.  And never was she ever bitter enough to talk evil about the men with whom she had her kids. Her attitude regarding her having kids by two different men was like, it happened, so what?

When her mother eventually remarried, it took a long time for her to have another child. There is a fifteen year gap between Diana’s baby sister and her younger brother.  Although, Diana was a year ahead of me in school, she just got married and is pregnant with her first child. It was the birth of the twins which made us friends till date.

During those times when everyone else had seemed to be leaving her behind in the marital game, she had sensed it and always offhandedly said, “My own time will come.”  And indeed, it came.

In the meantime, she rocked as many parties as she could. She got her first car, a small silver car, and then after less than a year, she got a jeep. Come and see the hailing!!! Diana was a confirmed big girl.

Levels had officially changed. Diana and the rest of the crew were no longer on the same level. I must admit I did not feel good about that and for a while, I avoided her, before the green eye devil became toxic.

The only reason, I discovered, I felt that way was regret at becoming a mom so early, when I could have had her “life.”  When I could have slept in without anyone expecting me to get breakfast or having sleepless nights because my kids weren’t sleeping well, when my Diana was busy digging it out at a party at that same moment and could sleep in until she and fellow party rockers woke up. Mehn! At that moment, I wouldn’t have minded trading places with her.  

However, over the years, I have come to realise that I was absolutely immature. Everyone had their paths in life, my path was early motherhood. For my friend, Diana and her ilk, she was a corporate girl, who knew how to enjoy her life; she learnt from the best, (her mom).

Bless her soul; she is a one friend that my kids like so much, because a visit from her means sweets galore or a short outing for the kids. Diana is a fun person to be with, to be friends with and I was simply being petty and blind to that.

Thank God I had gotten over my jealousy by the time she got married, or else it would have killed me. :haha: :haha:  It was such a beautiful wedding and and she was beaming with so much joy and love, it was infectious. It was like I was getting married all over again.


And when God answered her prayer for a baby, it was even more wonderful. As it is, Diana’s stories of her youthful days (not that we are old oh) are what keeps the life in most of our very rare gatherings these days.

Compared to their stories, I got stories of diapers, first walks, crawling and so many firsts to talk about, all baby talk, and I tell you, baby talk is one way to kill a relationship between a mom  and her single friends.

Even though, we are still not on the same level and we probably never will be (and it doesn’t matter anymore), of the four of us, two are moms already, and Diana is due to become a mommy any time soon, remaining one single lady, who will have the job of over pampering all the kids, until hers join the crew.

From the days of partying and work and more work, Diana is now more interested in knowing how to change diapers, the right music for her baby, baby clothes and gear. When she told us how she had turned down a Friday night out with hubby, so she could sleep well to come to the wedding on Saturday, I was like, “Are you for real?! Diana turned down an outing. My friend is mellowing oh!”

But I guess she’s been there, done that and so over it, like her mom. She’s settled!




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    • Oh sorry to hear this Dd. Were the babies distressed? You might consider doing C-section , rather than having a vaginal birth, a scheduled one for that matter. Sorry about your losses.



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