Babe, Sit down..Let’s Talk

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Chioma didn’t even realize how far off the grid she had gone, until one Saturday, her parents called her and asked that she come see them. “Is anyone in your husband’s family giving you trouble?”, her father asked, while they were having lunch. Chioma was surprised at that question; nobody in her husband’s family was giving her trouble, and she had no clue why her father would have asked such a question. “Nobody is giving me any trouble Dad, why do you ask?” She replied, looking from her father to her mother. It was her mother who replied “Because we don’t understand you anymore. You don’t open up to us! Your sisters have told us about how your life is falling apart over this childbirth issue”. Chioma dropped her cutlery in fury and got up “So it’s because I open up to Onyinye and Chidiogo that they would come and start gossiping with you about my problems?” she retorted angrily.  

Her father commanded her to sit and talk with respect. She sat down again, and there was acute silence for about thirty seconds before he added “Nobody in this house gossips about you. Was it wrong for your sisters to tell us how you have been acting, so we can intervene and help you get back to your former self? Look at the attitude you are displaying? When did you start raising your voice at your parents? The fact that you are yet to have a child is not an excuse to act like a spoilt brat!” Chioma forced back her tears as she sat and listened to her father; they didn’t understand. None of them could understand what she was going through. But still, it was none of their business and they had no right to summon her for such discussion.

“I have to leave” she finally said “I can’t sit down here and be judged by you. Whatever cross is it I have, I am carrying it, and I need no-one’s help. When I want to talk about my problems with my parents, I will call you and talk. And as for Onyinye and Chidiogo, God help them the day either of them calls my phone”.

As she drove home, she felt sorry for herself. So, her sisters now assumed that her case was so bad that they needed to report her to their parents? She was still fuming when she got home and luckily her husband was around, so she proceeded to vent. After she was done, he simply asked “Don’t you think it’s quite a co-incidence that your family is complaining of the exact same thing you said your colleagues at work complained about?” “That’s the thing!” Chioma responded “I don’t know they are all in my business, complaining about my attitude!!!”

Her husband’s silence made her ask “Do you think I have any attitude problem?” More silence, and Chioma realized that her friends and family had the guts to tell her what her husband couldn’t. Apparently, he also thought there was a problem with her attitude. “You have just changed so much in the last year…you get irritated easily, you pick quarrels and when your period shows, you give me silent treatment like I am the cause. I want a baby as much as you do, but punishing everyone around you will not get you a baby sooner!” The volcano had finally erupted! Chioma was speechless; she knew he was right. He was so right. She had gone irritable and threw her frustrations on everyone else.

In the office, her colleagues had staged an intervention, which they had crafted to look like a lunch date, but Ronny and Chibuzor only managed to get her more pissed, when they told her about what people were saying behind her back about her attitude, and also when they noted that her performance had dropped, and that if she continued the way she was going, she was likely to miss out on the next promotion. They reminded her of staff meetings when she had been absent-minded, and the times she had flipped on a junior staff in the presence of clients.

Finally, she opened up to her husband about her frustrations month in, and month out. Everyone in her office who got married around the time she had, already had kids. She had assumed that they felt better than her because she was yet to have a baby, and she had unconsciously gotten defensive. Eventually, her TTC frustrations gotten the better of her, and her attitude really spiraled out of control. Now, everyone was complaining and attempting to stage an intervention.

It’s hard trying to conceive in an environment filled with people who do not understand what you are going through. It can seem as though you are fighting alone, and that you need to fight for yourself, so as not to be intimidated by those around you. Unconsciously we tend to get our emotions on overdrive, assuming that well-meaning colleagues are the enemy, and taking out frustrations on everyone around. When concerned friends and family decide to intervene, and ask us to sit down for a chat…our response is usually It’s none of anyone’s business but how true or false is this? Granted, they probably don’t understand exactly what you are going through, but they care, and they would help if you need them to. Yes, there are those who shove their fertility down your throat and try to lord things over you, but that should not affect our own attitude. We start to lose the battle when we get negative and hurt loved ones in the process. Dealing with infertility is hard, and it is paramount that we keep check over our emotions and thoughts always. Stay positive…avoid negative environments and try to keep your attitude in check, even as you wait for your miracles.

God speed to us all!

 

 

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Photo Credits

  1. www.corpuschristi.caringseniorservices.com
  2. www.divadiaries.ng
  3. www.madamenoire.com

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17 COMMENTS

  1. @lovingmythreeangels, it is very hard and I have cut off so many people from my circle and practically turned into a soloist. I seem to like d serenity of being alone though because I am far away from my bosom friends and have even lost most of them due to distance… I most times wish I had good company but I can’t risk it at all.

    • Pee, I can absolutely relate. A lot of people don’t understand the struggle. But having a good support system is key, hun. If there’s anyone you think you can trust, try to keep them close :hugs:

  2. Hello Pee, I can’t imagine what I could have done without my support system oh. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I firmly believe in sharing and getting love…it helps through the dark days. Of course there are days I want to be alone, but there are days that I would rather be seeing a movie with friends, than locked up alone in my room. I hope you find great friends soon hun, it would do you good :hugs:

  3. the fear of having people think I am bothering them with my issues make me shrug…some days, I just want to cry with someone and talk about it in details without having to fear that I may be termed as too needy or mocked…

  4. I am just like @pee now. No friends, no unnecessary going out just me, myself and I and hubby of course when he is around. It’s hard relating with people and getting the pity/weird looks. The day I got my bfn from my first ivf I knew I was a witch at work 2 importer got the worst of it and this was for issues I could have overlooked or handled with less venom. I apologized later but the harm has been done already.

  5. Hello COD, it’s hard fitting in when it seems all your friends have moved on and you are in a different phase, at such times, it is just best to make friends with people on the same journey as you. I have met many wonderful friends during hospitals visits, and having a TTCsister helps because she understands what you are going through, and you both share and encourage each other. In the absence of that, that’s what this community is actually built for, for people like you, @mummy, @kenechukwu @Pee and I. No one judges here, we are bound by a common understanding. From this online community, I have met wonderful ladies that have gone on to become real life friends :hugs:

  6. Sometimes it really helps to talk to someone, especially family because most will never judge you. It is a difficult journey we are on and one needs to let out the anger and frustration a times. But in doing so we should be careful not to hurt other people. I recently talked to my parents about our struggles so they wouldn’t feel left in the dark ,and I drew a lot of courage from their advice.
    My name is Chioma and I shall win this battle.

  7. Am just glad that I stumbled into this forum. Am able to unburden my heart with people who share and understand the struggles and I know I wont be judged. I have not told the peoole around me about the struggle cos they never understand. So , out there I out up a big smile like my life is perfect.

    • And your life is perfect Elsie, @elsiano. It is TTC or not. We are here for you Elsie, but know that, some people don’t understand because they can’t deal with what you are going through, not because they want to hurt you, at least in some cases.

      • i know. thats why i keep the struggle closeto my heart and i thank God i found this forum. it has encourage me to really read up on pcos and all .

  8. I shall win this battle…en ave promise to arrest my department driver with police if he dare use my ttc to abuse me bcoz he used to be very abusive at work with everyone…..am happy as my in the forum….wen ppl pray for me it lift my spirits….so let us try it not people dat say When are you going to be pregnant and baby

  9. It really is hard..:very hard.Especially as people have all sorts of advice for me lately,I gave my cousin the length and breath of my tongue two weeks ago and asked him to convey it to his wife who is always asking me silly questions when she sees me.
    Holding on to God for a testimony..

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