When you have been TTC for a while, it is only natural to daydream about that wonderful time when you receive your blessing and are able to rejoice at the rainbow, after the storm. You fantasise about how perfect it will be, finally having your baby…or babies…the perfect answer to all your prayers! It’s a dream that you hold on to during those sad and dreary times when AF shows up, or when you get a on a pregnancy test…it’s the only thing that keeps you going! For a lot of us, we actually did get that wonderful rainbow. Yes, with a few kinks and glitches here and there, but overall, getting those babies have been even more of a blessing than we’d even fantasised! But what happens when, rather than the rainbow, the end of the storm sees you standing in the midst of rubble, with your home having been pulled down to its very foundation.
When I was preparing for IVF, I was introduced to this lady called Boma*. She was also preparing for IVF, and had been trying to save for it for a long while. She and her husband had thought they would have saved enough money for the procedure by December 2010, but unfortunately had to postpone it by a few months, as things hadn’t quite worked out for them financially. They were eventually able to put the money together by February 2011, and were scheduled to start the process the following month. Imagine their shock when Boma’s period didn’t show up, that same September. A pregnancy test revealed that she was indeed pregnant! After 4 years of marriage, and actively trying for a baby, they had gotten pregnant the very cycle before they were to start IVF! What were the odds?!
I was so jealous when I heard about Boma’s pregnancy! But I was also overjoyed for her! This was the perfect manifestation of God’s glory…of Him not wanting to share His glory with anyone. On her part, Boma beamed and glowed, pretty much from the onset. She had a textbook pregnancy…perfect in every way!!! She didn’t have any morning sickness nor vomitting, but instead she glowed like a princess. And all her scan reports showed that her baby was also doing great!
When she hit the 30-week mark, she decided to travel to Canada, to have her baby. Her older Sister lived there, and had convinced her to come over. Boma, also not willing to compromise her baby’s delivery, readily jumped on the idea, and was out of the country as soon as her leave started. When she got to Canada, she proceeded to enjoy the remainder of her pregnancy, and started counting down to meeting her daughter for the first time! She couldn’t but give God all the honour, praise and adoration!
When she was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant, she finally went into labour. Finally, the time had arrived! She went to the hospital, and the stage was set for her daughter to make her way into the world. But then, things went horribly wrong…
She had a long, protracted labour for a number of hours…it was clear that both she and the baby were in distress. And then, she started bleeding profusely, and the doctor in charge made a horrible call to delay wheeling her into the Operating Room (OR) for a caesarian section. Eventually, they did, but it was a few minutes too late. The infant suffered a devastating brain injury, as she was deprived of oxygen for hours. Boma, on the other hand, was haemorrhaging so badly that her uterus had to be removed! At the age of 33, she lost her womb. Her beautiful and strong daughter, Sopriye, did not give up, and chose to live, and not die. But her quality of life is woeful!!! At the age of 4, she remains in the hospital, and is unable to see, hear, or even even swallow.
For the first 2 years, following her birth, Boma stayed on in Canada, as travelling back to Nigeria with Sopriye was out of the question. Boma and her husband tried to sue the hospital, but no case could be made. Instead, they got a small compensation that could barely cover their costs.
When I heard her news, I wept non-stop that day! To me, it seemed such a rude joke! Someone who had defied the odds, and gone ahead to have the most perfect of pregnancies, only to be hit with the most devastating of tragedies! I didn’t understand why God would allow that happen!
Recently, I read, on one of the popular blogs, the story about a woman in her late 30s, who had been trying for a baby for about 3 years. Thankfully, she got pregnant and had a baby girl. Awesome, right? Brace yourself for what followed next! According to the story, this (I’m sorry to call her) foolish woman, put her baby and nanny in the same car with her DOG (an Alsatian), to run some errands. This woman left her baby, this same baby she had (probably) prayed so hard for, strapped in her car seat, with the nanny and dog for company, whilst she ran into the grocery store quickly. Before you could spell D.O.G, this aja, nkita, kare, attacked the baby, killing her!!! By the time the woman got back to the car, it was too late. Her precious, cherished baby was gone! And if the blog accounts are anything to go by, following the death of their baby, the woman’s husband had kicked her out of their home. What a sad end to their years of longing, praying, and hoping! I hope for their sake that they are able to reach a peaceful and amiable reconciliation, and that they are able to reset their faith in God, and why He would let that happen!!!
As for my friend, Boma, I thank God that she got a happy ending eventually. With her ovaries still intact, a few years after the hysterectomy, she had her follicles harvested, and underwent IVF. The embryos were transferred into a gestational carrier, a friend of hers, who chose to do her dear friend this favour, and proceeded to have twin boys!! It took Boma a while to overcome the guilt of what she perceived as abandoning Sopriye. Thankfully, her friends and family were able to convince her to the contrary. Today, they still remain in Canada, largely for Sopriye’s behalf, and are falling into place as a proper family!
My prayer is for you never to experience anything apart from a happy ending to our TTC journey. Let’s hold on to GOD, and trust Him to do everything to protect!
Baby dust to all!