Recently, I came accross an article that was posted anonymously from a set of soon-to-be parents that underwent IVF. They transferred two embryos. Both stuck. They are pregnant with twins. After trying for a few years, and getting negative after negative, one would think that they would be elated at the news. (I know I would).
But instead, the following excerpt is quoted from their post: “To say we’re excited would be an exaggeration,” the dad wrote onin an anonymous post that recently started trending on social media. “More truthfully, we’re pissed. And terrified, and angry, and guilty, and regretful.” Furthermore – “I lay on the table — dazed and unhappy — as I received the news that there were two healthy sacs present,” the anonymous mom wrote in a separate post. “We were pregnant with twins — twin boys, we’d find out later. In my mind I had done nothing less than ruin our family.”
Angry. Regretful. The belief that she’d ruined her family.. are you kidding me? To say that this story boiled my blood is an understatment – it broke my heart.
I could only come up with one word to describe this story and their outlook on the entire situation: ungrateful. There is so much to this story that they just don’t appreciate. The fact that they had the financial means to be able to do the IVF procedures – coming up with an extra $15,000 – $20,000 per IVF cycle is a feat in and of itself. The fact that they had embryos survive & grow to be healthy enough for the transfer is a blessing. After egg retrieval, nothing guarantees the quality of the embies – sometimes nothing can be transfered. The fact that they transplanted 2 and both stuck – thus resulting in a pregnancy of twins – miracle.
I still feel like my heart is breaking.. not only for all of us who want so badly to be Moms but for their two babies who aren’t appreciated like they should be. Anyone who really yearns to be a mother wouldn’t second guess their love for this double miracle.
But this really got me thinking – I don’t want to be the type of person that these people are. I don’t want to exude bitterness and ungratefulness. I know that the Lord has already blessed me with more than I deserve. I am married to my best friend, and we share our home with our three furbutts. Home might not be the biggest fanciest place out there – but it is home. We have built our lives there for the last 5 years, and will continue to do so as time passes. We both have good jobs and are healthy – until my husband rips open his leg sliding into second base for an all important double in the softball championship game – but what I am saying is – we are blessed abundantly already. I will admit that in the hustle and bustle of this infertility journey it’s easy to forget that. It’s easy to focus on the negative and turn bitter questioning God why He hasn’t delivered in his promises to us. But I want to be better than that. I want to remain grateful. I want to remain appreciative.
When our time finally comes, I want to be a better Mother – knowing that I didn’t ruin my family – but instead knowing how grateful we both will be for Baby Bear to join our family. And with a heart filled with gratitude!
Chelsea is a woman who has battled infertility for 7 years, and runs the inspirational fertility blog Journey to Baby Bear