Accidentally Knocked Up 25: Pick Up The Pieces

10
1129

June 2011

The next day, all I wanted to do was memorise Chuba’s face…every single detail of it. I wanted it etched forever in my memory, so that I would be able to remember it for a lifetime.

I had made a decision. And I knew I would have to live with the outcome of that decision. By choosing my baby…Kese’s baby…I knew I was going to lose Chuba.

It was too painful a thing for me to come to terms with overnight. No, I knew I would need a lot more time than that. So I decided to savour all the time I had left with him. To enjoy this beautiful love for however finite amount of time we had left. Because finite it was.

But there was no rush to tell him about my pregnancy. There was absolutely no rush to end this beautiful love of ours. I was determined to wait till the very last minute…till whenever I couldn’t explain away the bulge in my stomach. Until then, all I wanted to do was love him.

5b647423aec2259615647b9e82cfcacd

Uche had been happy with my decision, but perplexed that I didn’t want to tell anyone…not Chuba and definitely not Kese.

“So you’re going to keep it a secret from Chuba?” she had asked, trying to understand my logic.

“For as long as I can. There’s no need to fast track tomorrow’s punishment.” I’d answered, and I could see she understood why I wanted to hold on till the very end.

The irony was that rather than savour the moments with Chuba, they made me incredibly sad. In the week that followed, our kisses were tinged with sadness…at least for me. Knowing that I had gambled away a chance at a happy ever after with the love of my life saddened me no end, and soon even Chuba noticed my melancholy.

“What’s on your mind, Ose? You’ve been acting strangely all week,” he’d remarked the following weekend, and in response, I had smiled and assured him everything was fine. Except it wasn’t.

He had seemed fine with answer, and we had continued watching the movie we’d rented. One thing soon led to another, and we were soon kissing passionately, ignoring all the usual red flags that came with being alone. We were hardly ever alone. With Joel, his steward, at his place, and Uche at mine, we always sort of had a chaperone, someone nearby enough to prevent us from taking things too far. But with Uche away at her parents’ house for the weekend, Chuba and I were all alone. And things started getting heated very quickly.

From his breathing, I could tell he was getting carried away, and when his hands slipped underneath my blouse, I knew we were fast approaching the point of no return. And I pressed in further, kissing him passionately, thinking how easy it would be to have sex with him, and make him think he had fathered my baby. How perfect would it be to have my love father this child already inside of me! That would be the perfect solution! The perfect end to this madness. I soon started unbuttoning his shirt, intent to follow through with my plan, intent on undoing the horrific mistake I had made with my blast from the past.

il_570xN.356981698_krvr

And then, in the heat of passion, he told me he loved me…and I knew I couldn’t go through with this deceit. I loved him too much for that.

As I tried to pull away from him, he kept on kissing me, until I practically had to push him off me.

“I can’t do this.” I mumbled.

He tried to reach for me. “Ose, this feels right. We love each other, and I know that you are my future…”

“Chuba, I’m pregnant!”

He had looked at me in shock, before he started laughing. “Ose, I think you’ve got the order wrong. The sex comes before a pregnancy, and not the other way around!”

“I’m not kidding, Chuba. I’m pregnant.” I answered, my face indicating just how serious I was.

As he looked at me, the smile on his face slowly vanished, and he sat up with a start.

“What?” was all he could say, as he stared at me, his face showing his difficulty in processing this information.

I decided to just say it, and get it over with.

“When we broke up, I slept with my ex…” I said, unable to meet his eyes.

“What, you mean you’re serious?” he had exclaimed, his eyes wide with shock.

“I was upset…and, and…I went to a bar…and I had too much to drink…and…” I stuttered.

“And you slept with your ex??!” Chuba had practically yelled. “Ose, our misunderstanding didn’t even last a week! Was that how long it took to send you to another man’s bed?!”

“Chuba…” I said, reaching for him.

“Don’t touch me!” he had said, his voice barely a whisper. “Please, don’t.”

And we had sat there in silence for minutes. I struggled with what to say, but came up blank. What could I say to erase the pain I had inflicted? What could I say that would undo this mess I had created? Absolutely nothing.

“I really believed in us, Ose.” Chuba finally said. “I honestly, truly did. I thought you were the one I’d been waiting for all my life…” he shook his head and smiled sadly. “Wow!”

ashamed-154418_1280

And quietly, he had risen to his feet and walked out of my room…and out of my life.

As he drove away, I let out a guttural scream. This was so much worse than I had imagined it would be. I never imagined that my heart would feel like it was being torn out of my chest with sharp clippers. I never imagined a pain this raw. I cried like I had never cried before, not even when Kese and I had ended our engagement. This kind of pain I had never, ever felt before.

I was in that position for hours, and I realised I couldn’t be alone…not in this condition. I knew going to Chuba’s house was out of the question, so I’d thrown a few belongings into a bag, and driven all the way to Surulere, at 11pm that Sunday night. Even though my sister, Nehita, lived closer, all I wanted was the maternal attention of my Aunty Angela.

She had been startled to see me in her house that late, and had been crushed when I’d told her what had happened…everything! The only thing I omitted was the identity of the man who had impregnated me because, knowing my Aunty, she would have landed Kese’s parents’ house that same night, if I’d told her.

“Ose!!!” she had exclaimed, falling just a bit short of weeping and gnashing her teeth. “How could you do this?! Not after God finally sent someone like Chuma!”

I didn’t even have the energy to correct her about his name, like I always did. Such was the depth of my desolation. But even in the despair, and even with her scolding, being in her arms made me feel better than weeping alone in my apartment.

We had both agreed that it would be suicide for me to go to work the next day, so I had sent Ade a long text message, claiming a family emergency, and asking for permission to take a few weeks off work to resolve it. This was where I had to thank all the years of hard work I’d put into the company, as it was granted with little or no questions asked.

Uche understood my need to be with my Aunty, especially at such a time as this. That was the only place I could start healing from the heartbreak I was feeling, the only place I could pick up the pieces of my life again.

A few days into my stay with my Aunty, she asked me, “So how far gone are you? Have you seen a doctor yet?”

Her question seemed alien to me. Prior to her asking, I had thought of my pregnancy as a situation I found myself in, an inconvenience that had happened to me, one I just couldn’t undo. But as she asked me that question, it dawned on me, really dawned on me, that I was carrying a human life inside me. And that was the first ray of happiness I felt since the day I peed on those pregnancy test sticks.

The next day, I followed her to the hospital, and the scan showed that I was 6 weeks and 5 weeks pregnant. Seeing the pulsating dot on the screen made it all so real for me. I was actually going to be a mother! After not having grown up with one, I was being given the chance to be one to this baby. And it made my heart soar.

expecting-mary-tere-perez

At my Aunty’s prompting, I had finally told my sisters. Nehita had appeared in Surulere less than an hour after our telephone conversation, a ball of frantic nerves.

“How could you ruin things with Chuba?!” she had screeched, and I knew she was extremely pained about what had happened. Even though my entire family loved Chuba, Nehita and her husband probably loved him the most, especially as they were around the same age, had similar interests and a lot of mutual friends. “Ose, he was perfect! How could you be so stupid?!”

“Ehn ehn oh! We have passed that stage now!” my dear Aunty Angela had scolded. “We have past the stage of tears, and we are focusing on moving forward! No looking back!”

Ejeme, on the contrary, had laughed hysterically. “Tell me this is a joke! You got yourself impregnated by another man?! Tell me you are lying, Ose!”

But as differently as they had taken the news, they were united in their disbelief that I had been impregnated by some random guy.

“Ose, there’s nothing you can say to convince me that you just had a one-night stand with some random fellow. I know my sister, and that’s not you!” Nehita had insisted.

Ejeme had been a bit more spot on. “I’m sure it’s that Kese! Am I right? It’s Kese, abi?”

Thankfully, Aunty Angela hadn’t been in earshot when I’d had that phone conversation with Ejeme, as having her know my child’s paternity was the very last thing I needed.

In the end, I had to come clean to my sisters, and while it worsened Nehita’s despair, Ejeme had a different view on the matter.

“Ose, you need to tell him. He needs to know!” she’d said.

And that had made me explode in anger. “Kese’s contribution to this situation has ended…forever! I don’t want to hear even a mention of his name ever again! So you better kill that thought FAST!”

Ejeme had called Nehita, trying to get her to talk sense to me, but luckily, my eldest sister also didn’t want to hear any mention of Kese’s name. “No good can come from involving that useless boy! So please, let’s not even entertain that kind of idea!”

Reluctantly, Ejeme had quashed the idea of telling Kese about the baby, and we’d talked about the way forward. They had both promised to stand by me, no matter what, and it further affirmed just how lucky I was to have them.

f3d11edcdb8ecac7f0bfba3f5375b6f6

But they both agreed that I needed to tell our father, as well as our brother, Ogeide, about the situation, and quickly.

Ogbeide hadn’t been a problem, and after the initial shock had been just as supportive as my sisters. But as I prepared to tell my father, I found myself quivering at the knees in fear.

His response had shocked me. “It’s a shame that it’s not the young man you brought here in December that is responsible, but I am glad to hear about my grandchild on the way!” was his response to me, which had almost knocked me over with a feather.

I was the luckiest person in the world to have my family behind me, and I knew I could take on the world if I needed to.

After two weeks, on June 26th, I finally returned to my apartment. My holiday was over, and I knew I would have to face the world the next day. My stomach was still as flat as a board, so I knew I didn’t have to tell anyone anything. But knowing that I was going to see Chuba again made me sick with nerves.

How on earth was I going to cope?

 

 

Ose Signature

 

 

To catch up on Ose’s story, click one of the following links:

  1. Accidentally Knocked Up 1: The Beginning
  2. Accidentally Knocked Up 2: Not Quite a Razz Girl
  3. Accidentally Knocked Up 3: Pharaoh’s Girl
  4. Accidentally Knocked Up 4: Inferiority Complex
  5. Accidentally Knocked Up 5: Making Room
  6. Accidentally Knocked Up 6: No Place In Her Home
  7. Accidentally Knocked Up 7: Be Happy
  8. Accidentally Knocked Up 8: Stuck
  9. Accidentally Knocked Up 9: Cloud 9
  10. Accidentally Knocked Up 10: The Passport
  11. Accidentally Knocked Up 11: The Real Deal
  12. Accidentally Knocked Up 12: Reluctant Virgin
  13. Accidentally Knocked Up 13: Hurricane Kese
  14. Accidentally Knocked Up 14: A Fool For You
  15. Accidentally Knocked Up 15: Still In Love
  16. Accidentally Knocked Up 16: An Official Item
  17. Accidentally Knocked Up 17: Joy…and Pain
  18. Accidentally Knocked Up 18: The Exes
  19. Accidentally Knocked Up 19: Mr. Americana
  20. Accidentally Knocked Up 20: Chuba
  21. Accidentally Knocked Up 21: Ocean Drive
  22. Accidentally Knocked Up 22: Fancy Seeing you here
  23. Accidentally Knocked Up 23: Done For
  24. Accidentally Knocked Up 24: Denial

 

0

10 COMMENTS

  1. You betrayed Chuba and definitely broke his heart. However, these days of TTCing, if only he knew that there could be a probability that a donor could be required he should accept the pregnancy. I know its easier said but these days, there is a large percentage of couples using donor gamete so yea. He should just imagine that is the case here, at least some men marry single moms and legally adopt their kids.
    Pele @ose this Kese has always been so wrong for you. Now you are connected for life, he has to know he has a child oh…..(pls don’t bite off my ears)

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here