Being Able To Have Children Is Important To Me…But IVF Isn’t Working



This story is actually the dilemma of a man whose relationship is on the brink of crumbling, due to childlessness. For his partner, who is keen on becoming his wife, this situation is simply annoying and shows the “true” extent of his love for her.

I have my own thoughts on this matter and have let it be known to James, the man in question, but I don’t want that to affect your own opinion, because it would be really nice to have your opinion in this matter.

James is a 42 year old man.  He was very terrible at dating, so got started on this dating business when he was in his 30s, and all his friends were settled in a relationship or married. He had a good job with an engineering firm and that kept him a lot busy, which in turn affected his new dating life, so his plan of settling down remained just that…a plan.

Until he met Debbie, who literally stopped him in his tracks with her beauty; they had met on the construction site of a project he was handling. He was in charge of the project and she headed the government team, which had come for inspection. They had both done their jobs professionally at that first meeting but there was definitely a spark, and it soon became a fire burning between them, as they fell in love mindlessly.

In no time, they were involved, and James found out the real age of his lover and he was literally blown away by her good genes. She looked half her age and he became all the more enamoured by her. If she could look this good being just two years younger than him, then Debbie was definitely never going to grow old.  Not that it was the main deal, but it was definitely an enjoyable bonus.

For a long time, their relationship flourished, until the day James decided to tell his girlfriend about what he saw in the future for her and himself.  That day, he stated that he would like to marry her and wondered if she would too. Of course, Debbie wanted to get married too but there was a snag. She had a condition called PCOS and had changed most of her lifestyle to accommodate this condition. She also knew the effects on her fertility.

She came clean to James about all of these and though James said he understood, he had difficulty accepting it, as their lovemaking sessions turned feverish. He wanted a baby and he wanted every time they had sex to count towards that baby.

When it didn’t happen in six months, James was the one who suggested that they go to a doctor, to check him out and get a second opinion on her PCOS. They did and the results showed that while he was fine, the chances of them having children all by themselves were so slim and almost next to nothing.

Even with that damning verdict, they still went ahead to register for IVF and Debbie went through all the rigors of timed injections, doctor’s appointments, scans and such. Unfortunately, that cycle failed. They both had no idea how much of their hopes they had hinged on that cycle being successful, until it wasn’t. Let’s just say that baby who did not come, left broken hearts in its trail. While James wanted to try again, Debbie had no such inclination.


That has been the bone of contention. Every time, James expressed his need for them to have a family, his lover felt that was the only premise on which he wanted her. She was only a baby-making machine, which had grown faulty and was therefore stalling all their wedding plans.

Debbie had left many times, and he always went to beg her to return, but his longing for a child was still there. The question is, will he be able to live without a child of his own and still love his wife, if they ever get married?

Although I’m yet to meet Debbie, given the urgency and passion with which James spoke about having a family, it might mean the end of their relationship, if she’s unable to get pregnant naturally, as she has rejected trying IVF again.

I must say that I find it absolutely stunning that a lady would put herself through the IVF procedure with a man she isn’t even married to, suffer a loss and still stay. That just shows, for her, this love business is more than just romance, it is the real deal for her and she has given an arm and a leg for it to survive. If only her man would get over his annoying fixation on having biological kids, they would have a good thing going.

Unfortunately, even I wasn’t able to convince him to not lose out on the love of his life, just because he wanted a family so badly. Interestingly, he knows most of the other options available to them, as their doctor had been thorough, but James is finding it difficult to deal with not having his woman carry their baby or even use her eggs. It’s pretty obvious that such information even scares him, so he isn’t even processing it.


morning-teaser-frustrated-husband-1So he is in a fix! He wants to have children and also wants to have Debbie in his life but she might not be able to give him the children he wants. This year has been filled with lots of back and forth between them, and it’s also affecting their relationship.

I have done my bit, but who knows, you might just have the words that would help him make up his mind; either to stay with Debbie, whom he loves and try alternatives to becoming a family unit, or he moves on with his life and stops wasting her time?

What do you think?



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  1. I’m stunned they tried IVF before the wedding…..Moving on, he needs to understand that children are just like icing on the cake. The cake has to be damn sweet if not with all the creative icing, its a waste. What if he loses all kids in one day? not impossible?? Happened in Sosoliso crash. He sounds like his love is dependent on kids, he ought to have married her and then start this stress. He should start by doing that then she won’t feel like she’s just a baby making machine and maybe agree to another cycle whilst he OPENS UP HIS MIND and understands SURROGACY or DONOR if that will grant his desires.

  2. His Love is very selfish… me, me, me. What woman with PCOS would put herself through IVF before marriage, if not one that obviously loves her man and will go the distance for him. He should marry her and consider other means outside of adultery to have a child or he should please leave the woman alone and go look for someone who will fulfill his desires of being a Father which I think is greater than the love he’s professing for her. But one thing he should have in mind, he could have those children and lose out on love forever.

    • Grace, you have put a nice label on James. He wants to become a father, more than he wants to be married to the love of his life and that desire will win in the end or it will spoil the good thing, he and Debbie have going for them. As it were, the ball seems firmly in his court but why is Debbie still with him? She needs to take a stand too, this is also her life and her time, that is being wasted.


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