I wrote a story recently on celebrity families portraits and someone read the story and told me that I was referring to couples as families. He cited the examples of Richard Mofe Damijo and Tiwa Savage whose pictures I had used in the article.
Richard Mofe Damijo’s picture had been one of him and his wife Jumobi, while Tiwa Savage was colour blocking with her son, Jamil, in their fun picture, which didn’t have their “Zaddy” (that’s what Tiwa’s husband, Teebillz calls himself) in it. To this young friend of mine, it was not a family picture. I wondered where I should start in educating him on what a family is.
At the end of the day, I decided to explain the rationale behind the selection of the photos. To me, those were family photos. It didn’t matter that it was not the conventional father, mother and children scenario. As most of us likely know, veteran actor, RMD, and his wife have children between them, but in this 2018, they are a family, even without the children.
And I’m super glad that quite a number of persons are waking up to that realisation too.
Sometime over the holiday, a family friend had said, “Shebi, it’s just him and his wife nau? They are not a family yet.” Right there and there, three elderly women told him to shut up and never utter such nonsense again.
His grouse was that his younger brother shouldn’t have to share certain things equally with those of them who were already “family men”. According to him, they had more people to consider than his younger brother did. But it didn’t happen on those elderly women’s watch.
They kept the portion that had been dedicated to the young family, until the rightful owners showed up. No one told them what had transpired before they came, but I’m sure they must have heard after wards…blame it on the fact that there were too many people around.
I know a TTC couple that has been trying for over five years, with no success yet. They both like children a lot, and sometime ago, I noticed that children of their close friends and family spent time at their home. This is not out of place at all, but when parents begin to get a sense of entitlement or feel that other TTC couples should do the same thing, then there is a major issue here.
In the time that I have known this couple, I have witnessed some less than appropriate behaviour from at least one mom, whose child holidayed with the couple. Personally, I felt like if they had children of their own, that particular incident would have been a non-issue, and if they had been selective of the kind of folks they let into their space, then I wouldn’t have anything to write about now.
The discord was quite pronounced in our circle of friends and acquaintances and it wasn’t cool, as it involved children and a TTC couple. Over the holidays, they still had kids over, but this time, strictly family, definitely no friends or acquaintances’ children.
This post is dedicated to sharing the things we should all know about the family of two:
Even though they do not have children yet, they are a family:
I think, this is the most important thing to know about the family of two. As long as they are two, they share their daily lives, have same last names or not, and share many more beautiful things and experiences day in and day out. If they are bound together by their commitment and love for one another, they are a family and don’t need children to complete them. They are complete.
They didn’t “give up” on having children:
Yes, it may look like that to the outsider, but it is not enough to draw conclusions that a couple has given up on having children of their own. They may just be taking a break, or even have decided not to try again… like some couples I know.
However, the truth is, the desire to have a child is not easily discarded. A couple or individual that is making this decision is not making it lightly, or in fact “giving up.”
The support of family and friends, not comments that imply they are quitters by choosing to stop treatment, is needed. If such comments are made, they do not show respect for the remarkable journey of infertility which the couple has obviously survived.
A family of two is enough!
I don’t know how else to say this, other than to say it the way it is; a family of two is enough and family enough.
While they may have actively tried for a baby in the past without success, surely, they should be free to enjoy the benefits of being childfree.
When couples decide to stop further fertility treatment, it is not because they are selfish or quitters, it is because they have come to that place of self-acceptance, that they are enough for each other, that their marriage is not premised on whether they have children or not. They simply chose their marriage.
We do have children in our lives:
This is the honest truth; almost every TTC couple have children in their lives, in form of nieces, nephews or friends’ children. They may not have their own, but they surely love and enjoy the children in the life by gladly playing the role of the favourite auntie or uncle.
With all of these qualities and factors, surely the family of two is okay enough to fit into the 21st century definition of a family.
Family of two is family!
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