“He’s been too clueless about this whole pregnancy business, making it seem as if I should know everything because I’m a woman. This is my first time of being pregnant too oh.” Toyosi lamented.
“He’s just getting on my nerves…but then, I’m also very irritable when I’m not eating,” she went on. I understood somewhat how she was feeling, as the first trimester can be wacko. I didn’t know exactly how to feel, because I really didn’t feel any pronounced symptoms when I was pregnant. Sometimes the nausea and vomiting was there, sometimes it wasn’t. I was never tired until towards the end of the third trimester, but there was a whole lot going on that I couldn’t put a finger on.
The first trimester can leave you feeling different emotions; the joys of a new life growing inside you, followed closely by fear (if you have been TTC), and then the roller coaster of symptoms that an average woman would feel. It’s a truly special trimester. Unfortunately, it is also the trimester that a woman’s feelings can easily be hurt by her husband, who is also new to the business of the first trimester, by the way.
Just like Toyosi, there are quite a number of women who complained, or are complaining, about their husbands in this first trimester, and it is quite understandable. Believe me, it is not intentional.
So, to reduce the extent of hurt, we present you with some of the ways you husband can unknowingly hurt you when you are in your first trimester. Knowing will help you manage your expectations, pregnancy hormones willing.
When he’s acting like everything is still normal:
Yes, it is just the first trimester and everything seems normal, but that’s a lie. Only thing is that your husband may think it is the truth.
Toyosi sleeps a lot these days. She literally drops asleep at the drop of a hat, and that was something her husband found interesting, for want of a better word.
He kept asking her, “Are you okay?” and every time he asked, Toyosi’s temper would boil. How could she be okay, when cells were dividing in her tummy? How could he be asking her if she was okay, when he got her pregnant? Irrational abi, but please don’t tell a pregnant woman she’s irrational.
Worse was when she chewed his head off over that question, and then he started acting as though everything was still normal…when it was far from it.
The truth is, he can never win, and you know it.
He eats your food:
You see, pregnancy hormones are quite the real deal. They can turn a perfectly calm woman into hotspot of volatile emotions.
Toyosi is right now in her 10th week of pregnancy, and has settled into her cravings of late night chocolate ice cream bingeing sessions. Her husband is only allowed to participate as an on-looker and not indulge, even though he’s the one who buys the treat.
Some days back, they actually had two bowls of the chocolate ice cream in their freezer, and Toyosi’s husband had decided to have some, while waiting for his wife to come back from work.
Toyosi came in, saw him having what looked like her stuff, ignored his greeting and headed for the freezer, when she checked what was left of the ice cream in the freezer.
The kind of anger that overcame her surprised even her, but it was enough to make her stomp to her husband, whose feet were still up on the table asking him, “What do you want me to eat this night?”
Too surprised at her anger to answer, her husband merely lifted his legs off the table and went into the guest room.
For the rest of that evening, Toyosi gave her husband the silent treatment, cooked dinner, served it, ate her meal, and went to sit in front of the TV with the remains of her ice cream. She sent her husband a message that his meal was ready, and that he owed her ice cream.
Nice man that he was, he actually went to get the ice cream before eating his dinner. Then, Toyosi had this cheesy smile on her face. All sins were forgiven.
Food can become very personal during the first trimester for some women, especially those who are permanently hungry or have cravings. Anyone who tampers with their food or craving is likely to be treated like an enemy, even if that person is their husband.
He makes tries to make light of what you are going through:
If your husband never saw what it was like for his mom to go through pregnancy, or had only seen ‘nicely pregnant’ women, he might be strongly tempted to think that you are faking what you’re going through.
What he doesn’t know is pregnancy affects differently. In fact, no two pregnancies are the same in one woman.
I know this is a very painful vibe to be get from one’s husbands. While my dad called ever so often during my second pregnancy from the very beginning, warning me to put my feet up and asking if I was sleeping well, my husband was more blasé about the whole experience. He didn’t understand the fuss that was being made about the second pregnancy, and said as much.
You bet I let him have it, and made sure he knew what the big deal was. I think our daughter helped too, when she refused to have her sex detected by the scans. He was so worried, it would have been laughable if I hadn’t been so worried myself.
You can show this part to your husband, have them memorise it, and use it when they feel like saying something untoward; “I have no idea what this must be like for you, but I’m here for whatever you need.”
He comments about your body:
Personally, I liked the changes that pregnancy brought to my body, but would I have liked my husband talking about the gorgeous set of girls I had? Nah!!! I would have probably killed him with my eyes. “Is that the only thing you can see in all of the goings-on?” would have been the question I would have asked him.”
In this instance of a pregnant woman’s changing body, silence is golden, honestly.
These are some ways your man can upset you in the first trimester, but now that you already know he’s not doing it intentionally, he’s just misguided, or clueless, you can forgive him and yourself faster.
You will survive this trimester, and move onto the next trimester, and then the third trimester…where really anything goes. ☺
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