Confessions of a Fat Girl 48: Running Away

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January 18th, 2010

Yet another Monday.

After yet another foodie weekend!

If I say I didn’t have fun this weekend, I’m lying. I was in bed almost all of Saturday, watching Lost, and nibbling on junk. On Sunday, I made an excuse not to attend Church, and proceeded to cook up a storm in the kitchen. Eating just filled me with a sense of contentment, and helped plug all the holes I had.

As it was the second weekend in a row…not to talk about the weeks which have been just as bad, JJ didn’t even bother scolding me anymore. I had obviously checked out of my weight loss agenda, and he wasn’t going to be the one to remind me to get back on it. I guess he also wanted to show that he loves me…no mater what size I am! Yeah right!

I opted not to weigh myself today, but I realized that while it is possible to lie to one’s self, the truth will always be revealed in the end.

You see, I have refused to jump on my scale, and I make it a point of duty not to look at my reflection in the mirror….but, clothes don’t lie!

Before I travelled to the East, I had become a comfortable size 18, and had been even inching further down to a size 16. I hadn’t even waited for my size 18 clothes to be too small, before I had moved on to my size 20 clothes jeje. I had even still been in Nkwerre then.

Well, this morning, the size 20 jeans I have been squeezing myself into can’t even button. Heck, they can’t even zip shut. If I’ve been running away from any proof that I have put on an inordinate amount of weight, I don’t think I can run any more.

The only problem is that I gave away my ‘big girl jeans’ when I started losing weight, so I have no decent jeans that fit me.

So, I had to resort to my longtime friend….the tunic!

After dropping the kids at home this afternoon, I drove to my local supermarket, for supplies. As if to buttress the fact that today is a day for not running away, I walked straight into my Trainer, as soon as I walked into the store.

“Mrs. J!!!” he exclaimed “I have been calling you for days! Why haven’t you taken my calls?!”

I started mumbling something about having had a heavy schedule, when I noticed his brows crease as he looked at me. Obviously, he didn’t like what he saw.

“Is there a problem?” I asked, my defensive nature kicking in.

“No, no, no. It’s nothing, trust me,” he said, throwing his hands in the air. “It’s nothing that a few weeks of intense cardio can’t take care of. It’s normal to put on weight after the holidays. Nothing to feel bad about.”

“Feel bad? Who says I feel bad?!” I snapped.

He looked taken aback. “No, I didn’t mean it like…”

“Before you go running your mouth, you need to ask questions first, and stop assuming! You think this is all about eating too many cakes on Christmas day? Too much fried rice? Too much Coke? Look, you don’t know a damn thing about what I have been through! You have no idea! So don’t open that self righteous mouth of yours, thinking all problems can be solved with a few crunches and push-ups!”

With a long hiss, I walked away. I could feel his eyes on me, and knew he couldn’t understand my outburst. It was very unlike me, and I knew it. But I couldn’t care less. How dare he preach to me about ‘putting on weight after the holidays’. He had no idea about the kind of family issues I have, or the pain I felt over Uzoamaka’s death. If he did, I’m sure even he would agree that it was a good enough reason for putting on a few kilos.

Nobody should stress me abeg!

Part of my frustration is the fact that my sisters have not replied my e-mail, one week after sending it. I know, for a fact, that they have talked about it…but for some reason, neither of them has felt the need to call me. And it’s painful. We’re supposed to be a team…but I just don’t understand what’s happening.

I truly don’t.

 

 

Catch up on Ihunna’s story here:

  1. Confessions of a Fat Girl 1: Grubbido
  2. Confessions of a Fat Girl 2: Fragile
  3. Confessions of a Fat Girl 3: Defiant
  4. Confessions of a Fat Girl 4: Progress
  5. Confessions of a Fat Girl 5: The Gym
  6. Confessions of a Fat Girl 6: Killjoy
  7. Confessions of a Fat Girl 7: Pain
  8. Confessions of a Fat Girl 8: Frenemies
  9. Confessions of a Fat Girl 9: Exhilarated
  10. Confessions of a Fat Girl 10: Popcorn
  11. Confessions of a Fat Girl 11: Free-fall
  12. Confessions of a Fat Girl 12: Sunday Morning
  13. Confessions of a Fat Girl 13: Mission Reactivated
  14. Confessions of a Fat Girl 14: New Things
  15. Confessions of a Fat Girl 15: Bad Business
  16. Confessions of a Fat Girl 16: Luxury Items
  17. Confessions of a Fat Girl 17: The Solution
  18. Confessions of a Fat Girl 18: Magic Formula
  19. Confessions of a Fat Girl 19: Date Night
  20. Confessions of a Fat Girl 20: Quinoa
  21. Confessions of a Fat Girl 21: Perfect Fit
  22. Confessions of a Fat Girl 22: Keeping In Touch
  23. Confessions of a Fat Girl 23: Delete
  24. Confessions of a Fat Girl 24: Philosophical
  25. Confessions of a Fat Girl 25: Keep it Moving
  26. Confessions of a Fat Girl 26: My Co-Wife
  27. Confessions of a Fat Girl 27: Old Jeans & Old Friends
  28. Confessions of a Fat Girl 28: Prawn Stir Fry
  29. Confessions of a Fat Girl 29: Facebook Tagging
  30. Confessions of a Fat Girl 30: Detox Part 2
  31. Confessions of a Fat Girl 31: Abs & Crunches
  32. Confessions of a Fat Girl 32: Making Notes
  33. Confessions of a Fat Girl 33: Christmas Party
  34. Confessions of a Fat Girl 34: Ashiedu
  35. Confessions of a Fat Girl 35: Willpower
  36. Confessions of a Fat Girl 36: Packing…and TV
  37. Confessions of a Fat Girl 37: Last Minute
  38. Confessions of a Fat Girl 38: Body Image
  39. Confessions of a Fat Girl 39: Christmas Trip
  40. Confessions of a Fat Girl 40: Christmas in the Village
  41. Confessions of a Fat Girl 41: Daddy’s Girl
  42. Confessions of a Fat Girl 42: 2010
  43. Confessions of a Fat Girl 43: Uzoamaka
  44. Confessions of a Fat Girl 44: Sugar Binge
  45. Confessions of a Fat Girl 45: The E-mail
  46. Confessions of a Fat Girl 46: She whose name must not be repeated
  47. Confessions of a Fat Girl 47: Smokescreen

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