I recently watched a movie, where the man, a dad-to-be, chose to spend longer hours at work, rather than go home to his pregnant wife.
He was calling her every moment, asking how she was doing, if she needed anything, which he would gladly pick up on his way home. His pregnant wife, on the other hand, refused all his solicitousness, merely telling him to get himself home in one piece and ready for action.
Every time his wife reminded him of how much she wanted him, he would wipe sweat from his forehead, look to the air-conditioning machine, which seemed to be working perfectly well, and then loosen his tie a bit more.
At this point, I started to smile at the palpitation this man’s heart was obviously going through, because his pregnant wife wanted sex. He had turned to jelly and was even trying to wiggle his way out of fulfilling his husbandly role, by telling her she was pregnant and they shouldn’t be doing “this thing” again as “It might just hurt the baby.”
That is a classic excuse that men have been using since 1790, and no pregnant woman who wants sex, and is not medically advised against it, should accept that.
My sexual drive while pregnant was like yo-yo. Sometimes, I felt like I had been sex-starved, and at other times, even a touch could get me in a terrible rage. I called the shots towards the end of my pregnancies, when my husband was so intimidated by the bump, that he couldn’t even see what was beneath.
During our second pregnancy, he was less interested in sex, as he kept referring to the fact that we had sex the morning of the day our first twins came prematurely, and that the sex was the reason for that.
He didn’t want a repeat performance, so he stayed well on his side of the bed and I spent many nights trying to find the perfect angle to sleep, when what I really wanted was sex…yes oh, even with my huge bump.
Today, we will be talking about some of the excuses men give for abstaining from sex. The fact that even doctors agree with is, sex during pregnancy is good. It helps the woman relax and it is said to exercise the muscles of the vagina in preparation of a vaginal birth.
Here are some common excuses our men folk give:
- I don’t want to hurt the baby:
This is a classic excuse but it is often a serious concern for a father. He doesn’t want to hurt the baby. He would rather stay away from the mom than do something that might harm his baby.
Yes, that’s heart-warming that he doesn’t want to hurt baby, but it is also heart-breaking for a pregnant woman who wants sex.
This fear can be valid with high risk pregnancies.
However, this fear may be dispelled with the help of doctor, who can help him realize that his fears are baseless.
- The baby will know:
Before nko? But wait oh, how was the baby formed before, so let him/her know! LOL!
Dads can sometimes take literal the fact that babies hear and react to their environment even in utero.
Some dads can feel uncomfortable with the knowledge that their little one is actually aware of its parents having sex.
For some men, they just can’t perform thinking that the baby might kick when they’re reaching climax. However, it’s not unusual for the baby to kick during the parent’s alone time. The truth if we are honest with each other is that the act is active, so the baby may be woken up in there if it’s right in the middle of nap time.
- I may hurt you:
This is loving, right? The feeling of threat to the mother of his child is strong in most men.
Pregnancy can bring out the protective instincts like never before in some men.
They want to make sure that everything is in perfect order for their wife, and they’re ready to sacrifice anything to that effect; even sex, hence the reluctance.
Even if he initiates sex, it may take a lot of courage on his part to actually do it the way you would like.
For this excuse, madam, you may need to indulge in some pillow talk and assure Oga that you will communicate if something isn’t comfortable for you.
- I don’t want to induce labour
My husband definitely knows about this, and used this excuse during our second pregnancy.
Studies have shown that moms can go into labour a few hours after having sex. It’s all thanks to the release of sperm inside the vagina, which leads to the ripening of the cervix due to a hormone called prostaglandin leading to labour contractions.
Most husbands know this and that may just scare him off. He certainly wouldn’t want to be the reason for your premature birth.
However, premature labour doesn’t happen just like that. It usually happens in a pregnancy that is already complicated with cervical incompetence, placenta previa or a history of premature births.
Mothers carrying twins are also at risk of premature labour, so, you might want to tread carefully, when he comes up with this excuse.
- You’re already pregnant, there’s no more need for sex
Believe it or not, some men perceive sex as only a means to just have children, and nothing more. It sounds ancient but there are still men like that, and you have your work cut out for you, trying to get him to see the enjoyment factor.
Some men often have a lingering doubt in their minds about their fertility, so getting a woman pregnant is all the confirmation they need, after that, no need for any top up.
They just don’t see any sense in doing it again, once their wife is pregnant.
- I have got some things on my mind
In order not to stress his pregnant wife, a man may be dealing with some issues alone.
That alone can put his sex drive in the negative.
The only way around this is to get your man to share, and assure him you and the baby will be just fine, whatever the situation is.
- Your mood is all over the place
Well, this is a valid excuse. Thanks to hormonal changes, a pregnant woman’s mood is not altogether predictable. One moment, she can be all lovey-dovey and the next moment, she’s waging a cold war.
While you are busy going from one mood to the other, your husband may just be turned off by all the drama and not bother to initiate sex, or even turn to you when you initiate the deed.
I really can’t help you with this one. You know your man, and know how to get through to him.
- Erm…are you really sure sex is the best thing?
That is just code for the simple fact that some (or all) of your pregnancy symptoms are turning him off.
Please, let me be honest. If your partner was going around with a spit cup or saying good morning to the toilet bowl every single day, would you be jumping them for sex? Most likely not.
That’s not to say dads-to-be are off the hook sexually oh, just that! It will just take some more time before they can get it on.
Wives may feel unattractive because of all these symptoms, and even the husband may feel awkward. However, there are many couples who take it as a joke and laugh it off, thereby saving themselves hours of emotional worry.
- I just can’t get it on
Well, he may just be telling you the truth. His brain may have signalled a shutdown of his sex drive, upon conception.
Some men actually feel a distinct disinterest in sexual activities with their pregnant wife, and they make up for it by stepping up their caring game big time.
Sex drive may return early or later after childbirth, but in this case, there is no need to rush it. Let nature take its course.
- I don’t want you to lose this baby too
A dad-to-be, whose dream of a baby has been cut short once, might be scared of doing anything that may endanger the baby in any way; sex inclusive.
In fact, both husband and wife in this instance may not want to take chances even if it is safe.
There are the excuses. Some are valid, some are just borne out of fear. Some you can get your way around, and others, you just need to let them be.
Know the ones you should let go, and the ones you can work on.
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1. Divorced Moms