One of my close acquaintances got married a few years ago, and she’s still TTC, let’s call her Amaka. At first when she got married, she wasn’t in a hurry to conceive as she felt that she and her husband had a lot of things to achieve as a couple. On her list were; to build a house, get some sort of strong financial security, and put a lot of things in place, as hers was a long distance marriage. So when her friends asked her when the baby was going to come, she put them off with words like ‘it’s not our priority right now’, ‘we have so much on our plate’.
When her husband finally moved back to Nigeria about a year ago, they began to try for a baby, as they felt that they were ready. At that point, Amaka realized that she had a problem with her tubes, as the test she took came back with the result that her tubes were challenged. There, her fertility treatments began, and she’s been through a lot trying to conceive.
One day, her friend, Chinwe, paid her a visit at her home.They both talked about fertility, pregnancy and the challenges Amaka was facing. In the course of their discussion, Chinwe began to say uncouth words like, ‘I’d rather stay unmarried than be childless, God forbid!’,‘Thank God I’m not marriedooo! When you were getting married, and I was single, everyone thought it was the end of the world for me. Now, at least I can drink water, and drop the cup in peace.’
Amaka was hurt by her friend’s words but said nothing, soon Chinwe changed the topic and they delved into other issues. Their talk was interrupted by a phone call from one of Chinwe’s numerous friends, Ese. In a bid to answer the call, Chinwe placed it on speaker phone while she spoke with Ese. Their conversation went thus;
“Chinwe, how far? Where you dey?” Ese greeted.
“I am at Amaka’s house ooo…” Chinwe responded.
“Oh, that your friend. How is she?” Ese asked.
“She’s fine ooo…my dear, it’s just that she’s not feeling too well.” Chinwe said empathically.
Amaka was sitting right there through this conversation while waiting for Chinwe to end the call so that they can continue their gist.
“What happened to her?”
“Hmmm…my dear, you guys that have children so easily are lucky. Amaka is still trying to conceive and the treatment she’s been undergoing is putting her through a lot.” Chinwe said.
“Abegi…tell her to go and sit down! When she was bragging that she and her husband were not ready for a baby, I bet she didn’t know she’d be going through this now.”
Mind you, this Ese lady is not in any way close to Amaka, as they are just mere acquaintances. Who would have told her that Amaka was not ready for kids as at the time she got married? The answer is- no one else but Chinwe.
Amaka was shocked to the roots of her hair!It dawned on her that her friend might actually be laughing at her behind her back, and gossiping about her private issues with friends.
Sometimes, people come with the ‘I understand your plight’ mannerism and expect you to fall hook, line and sinker. Others come with the ‘I’ve known you all your life’ gesture so that you can tell them everything that’s going on with you. A few other times, it’s nosy neighbours, colleagues, BBM contacts, acquaintances and the rest, that try to pry into your privacy. The truth is, you owe nobody any explanation for anything. If months after your marriage and there are still no signs of pregnancy, end the talk by not divulging private information to people, even to those who are close to you. Who knows? That friend of yours who you think is your greatest ally might actually be the FRENEMY.
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