Tayo’s Infertility Diary 18: Summer

May 17th, 2008

CD26 / 11DPO

I woke up in my husband’s arms…and all was truly right in my world. I briefly toyed with the idea of going for another run, but decided that Javier’s embrace was a better option. Even if I am never able to repeat yesterday’s hard core run, I’m glad I was able to do it that one time! It really helped me shift the funk I was in yesterday.

On the way to work, I made a mental note to follow up with my application to Cisco. Not only will that job be a major career boost for me, it will be my escape route from my current hell hole of a job! I have had quite a few jobs in my life, but this is by the far the worst!!!

So, I remained on knicker watch the whole day. I almost drove myself mad…running to the toilet every few minutes, to check. I also had quite a few interesting symptoms today, some of which are shooting pains in my already tender boobs, slightly sore throat and sniffles, pimples on my face beginning to clear but with new ones appearing around my neck, slight headache this morning, weird feelings down below (not quite cramps), and the hint of a backache.

Oh, the suspense!

Somehow, I got myself through the rest of the day, and as I was walking to the train station, my phone rang. It was my Mom. I smiled as I answered it. It had been a while since I’d spoken to the woman.

After the usual pleasantries, she first of all scolded me for not telling her about Solape (apparently, she had heard the gist. I trust the Naija grapevine!!!). When I had appeased her (with the lame excuse of not wanting to ‘upset her’), we gossiped about other stuff, and then she asked if Javier and I had booked our tickets for Vegas.

Vegas??

OMG!! I can’t believe I forgot!!! What was with me lately??!! First of all, I forgot my own Godson’s birthday, and now I had almost forgotten my oldest brother’s 40th birthday celebration he had been planning for like, what, the last 10 years!

From my tone, my Mom knew I had forgotten, and she proceeded to nag me about booking our tickets in good enough time, before they get too expensive. After assuring her I would, I got off the phone, and stood for a while. With Javier’s brother’s destination wedding in just about 4 weeks, paying for tickets to Vegas a few short weeks later would be a bit of a stretch for us. And of course, the fact that my brothers are married to the most fertile women in history, isn’t going to make it an easier. Between the 3 of them, I have 4 nephews and 6 nieces! If I’m not pregnant by the trip in August, it’s not going to be easy.

Hmm, it’s shaping up to be an interesting summer!

 

May 18th, 2008

CD27 / 12DPO

I think I’m out. I started spotting last night…

When I woke up this morning, I was still spotting. It’s not a full on bleed, but I know that one is on the way.

I wasn’t in the mood for Javier’s attempts at cheering me up, so I left the house earlier than normal, with no make-up on, and with my hair pulled back in a bun…with a scrunchee. Another day, I probably would have laughed at myself. Me…in a scrunchee!!! But that’s how my mood was.

I just can’t believe this. I thought the universe would at least reward me for all the effort I made this cycle. I drove to Manchester, for freak’s sake! To AND fro! I did everything right. I got that expensive fertility monitor, I got all the sex…what more was I expected to do??! This is truly not fair!

But yet, people like Solape just open their legs, and they get pregnant…5 times!

Father Lord, this isn’t the way. It’s not the way at all. Your daughter isn’t happy at all!

Even though AF hasn’t fully started, I know there is really no hope. There’s no point daydreaming about what won’t be. My last few cycles have shown me that once I start spotting, it’s all over.

I better start thinking positive, and plan for my next cycle.

Hopefully, it won’t fall around the time of the wedding…but even if it does…sod it! I’m going to drink and be merry!

I’m well and truly sick and tired of this blasted thing dictating my life!

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