April 18th, 2008
CD26 / 12DPO
I woke up to some spotting, and slight cramps. I think it’s safe to conclude that this cycle has been an official bust! Javier (we made up last night, by the way) will be away on my next ovulation date, so that could be another cycle down the drain.
I could barely drag myself out of bed, as depression sat on my chest like a bag of bricks. If I hadn’t miscarried, I would have been 15 weeks pregnant by now! I did everything right this cycle…how could it not have worked???
I’m really dreading the month of May, as I don’t know how I will be able to cope, knowing I won’t be able to put in as much effort as I did this cycle. Javier is an IT Trainer, and will be away most of the month. It’s going to be a tricky one…
And the annoying part is that I’m still waiting for blasted AF!!! I need to start this new cycle already!
Solape and I couldn’t talk last night. She had sent me a text, asking for us to postpone the chat till later, as she was feeling a bit unwell. It suited me just fine, as Javier and I needed the time to talk. He knows he messed up by telling his family…but what I didn’t know is that he was upset I had told my Mom in the first place. In the end, we agreed that we had both hurt each other, and promised not to go behind each other’s backs in the future.
April 20th, 2008
For the first time in weeks, Javier and I went for Mass at the church near our house, after which he drove me all the way to Croydon. Solape was so happy to see us…and Javier in particular. After chatting for about 30 minutes, he left us to bond. Whilst she ooohed and aaahed over the flowers and sweet treats we had brought her, I took a good look at her. She looked extremely tired and drained. It didn’t take too long to find out why.
Apparently, the day she had come to town to meet up with me, one of Bukky’s many friends had sighted her, and had proceeded to tell Bukky all about it. This wonderful sibling of hers, instead of calling Solape herself to confirm it, proceeded to call their Mother, all the way in Nigeria. All of this happened in a matter of hours oh! By the time Solape got off the train in Croydon, she had received an angry voicemail from her Mother. When I listened to the message, I got goosebumps. Her Mother had gone ballistic, had called her every name imaginable, and had demanded that she return the call immediately. Solape also played the message her sister, Bukky, had left, and it was full of laughter and gloating. It was as if she was amused by the fact that the ‘good daughter’ was the one who had carried belle. I asked if she had returned any of the calls, and she replied in the negative, saying she wasn’t prepared for more insults. I asked if Yinka, her older sister in Ireland, had called, and she nodded, but said she (Yinka) hadn’t left any message. From the look of things, it was unlikely that she was going to get any form of family support.
“Or will you come and stay with me?” I found myself asking. Solape responded with a bear hug, saying “That’s so sweet of you…but I couldn’t do that! Not with what you are already going through.”
“What about your baby-daddy? He can’t just be enjoying his life, while you’re here suffering! He has to at least pay you something!” I demanded. But she absolutely didn’t want to hear anything of it, and killed that idea immediately.
As we drove home, I vented to my husband, and he actually agreed with me about the baby-daddy. It simply wasn’t fair that Solape was going to be stuck with raising this child, all on her own, whilst the foolish, philandering man was left to live his life…especially as he could more than afford to support her. I just had to think of a way to get him more involved in the situation.
On the TTC front, AF is due properly tomorrow. I have already been spotting for 4 days…and I’m fed up of it! My boobs have been sore, and the bloating hasn’t subsided. Abeg, I’m over it joor!
April 21st, 2008
Hmmm…what’s going on oh?! It is CD29, and AF is officially due today…but still no full flow. This is day 5 of spotting, but I have hardly had any of even that today. It has all been brown, with tiny clots.
I tested this morning, just in case, and it was a BFN…which didn’t surprise me.
I just need AF to show up already, so I can work out what days my toy boy and I need to BD in May, especially considering his work schedule.
Na real wa!
For the TTC Newbies
AF = Aunt Flow (your period)
BD = Baby Dance (sex)
BFN = Big Fat Negative (pregnancy test result)
CD = Cycle Day
DPO = Days Post Ovulation