Tayo’s Infertility Diary 65: Unfair

November 17th, 2008

CD7, LOW

After yesterday’s traumatic visit with Solape, getting home was like heaven! We spoke briefly, to let her know I’d arrived safely, but for now, I will leave any bad news to Ugo to break to her. I just hope he does the right thing!

Anyways, it begins again! In a week or so, I will be ovulating again and going for my Christmas BFP. THat is providing I am ovulating. I was going to temp and my thermometer is sitting under my pillow, but I keep forgetting. I’m also feeling a bit poorly so it might not be accurate. Oh well, let’s hope for EWCM and a PEAK!

 

November 19th, 2008

CD9, LOW

I’m so tired with this cough and all that has been going on in work – it’s all so draining. I have now spoken with nearly all the students and we are all on much better terms and there were even so many of them supporting me, but felt intimidated by others and felt they had to go along with their complaints. The only thing to be sorted is confronting my colleague on Friday, with a Manager present. She is aware something is going on and had started speaking to me again, but I’ve kept her at arm’s length. The rest of the staff are behind me, as she has done this before…and more than once apparently!

Anyway, less than a week to ovulation and my Christmas BFP!

 

November 20th, 2008

10DPO, HIGH

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I am a bit happier with my monitor this month, as it gave me two lows and today a high, which is a bit more accurate.

I still feel terrible with this weird cold/cough I’ve got – if I’m going to be ill, I wish it would just manifest itself fully so I can get over it. This in-between stage is driving me mad!!!

And I can’t stop thinking about work – even when Javier was trying to relax me last night.

Oh well, if I can bring myself to it, I have quite a lot of housework and lessons to prepare.

 

November 21st, 2008 (AM)

Well, personnel are involved now in the situation at work, and so I have to see them first, before a meeting will be set up next week, so it is still ongoing. What is bad is that she is being nice to me now, which I don’t like, as she is obviously trying to worm her way out of this situation!

Fat chance of that happening!

 

November 21st, 2008 (PM)

My bad luck is just growing!

Javier is on the phone as I type; his other brother and his wife are expecting their 2nd child…and I just want to die, I should be happy for them, but can’t when it is what I want so bad.

Life is so unfair!

 

November 23rd, 2008

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OH God, i’ve got myself in a right mess now. Since the phone call with Javier’s brother, I have been in a massive sulk, felling very ‘woe is me’. I haven’t been taking it out on Javier, but he is here which kind of makes it worse! If i was by myself, I would have sulked and got out of it. He tried to help but actually ended up making the situation worse with insensitive words, showing he really does not understand how I feel. It’s not his fault and I need to clear the air but I can’t seem to do it.

Now I checked my CP (cervical position) last night (I don’t know why, as I hardly ever do), but it was really squishy and open and the beginnings of EWCM. I think ovulation is imminent. I also have slight pains (ovulation pains?), and also a smear tomorrow morning so can’t BD anyway, but have to after that we have to, as he goes away for a week, and we will have missed it if we don’t! With all that’s going on at work, I might not be able to tag along this time.

I’m just afraid that if we BD, he’ll think that everything is okay, and for me it is not!

So okay, maybe I am taking it out on him a bit. I’ll try and snap out of it.

Is it just me, or are the days going by really slowly?!!!

 

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