Recently, I saw a post by a lady on a popular blog, advertising her services as a surrogate mother. She said she was willing to help couples who are unable to have babies do so.
It looked like a scary proposition, until I recalled that I have thought about being one for at least two couples that I know. When, I look at these couples around me, who are obviously dealing with infertility, given the times they just disappear, only to reappear tired and worn out.
Now, I know I’m grasping at straws. I just know, because one of these couples has been married for seven years and the other for five, neither of whom have children yet. I must say, on the exterior they appear to be coping well, attending naming ceremonies and even bringing gifts for the babies. But there are times when you can see the crack in their emotions. These women cry inside.
When my last set of twins were one month old, one of the women approached me while I was carrying them, and gave them some money while saying to them to ask God to give her and her husband their own baby. It literally broke my heart.
But I did not think about surrogacy until one Sunday, when the thoughts of these women came to my mind again. I have no idea what triggered it. I just knew, all of a sudden, I wished I could help them carry their babies.
My rationale was, I was obviously fertile, with kids of my own. I was young and was done with having kids of my own. I wanted to be able to help these women achieve that feat. The ball was, however, not entirely in my court. I thought about how my spouse would react, when I told him, and what reasons I could give for wanting to do this.
My imagination was in absolute overdrive, as I thought about details of the agreement we would have, if I would need to leave work, maternity clothes, details of where the baby/babies will be born, if I would still be able to have sex with my husband while carrying another couple’s baby. I guess it’s obvious that I like sex, for me to even think about it when I’m thinking of a life.
I knew I could not present either of these couples with such a risqué proposal, knowing how private they are. Instead, I imagined them asking me to help them carry their child, with my response being “I would love to! But I need to discuss it with my husband.” For months I thought about it, and still get flashbacks.
For those who don’t know, a surrogate is a woman who carries another woman’s embryo to term, because the other woman could not do so by herself, due to various medical conditions that could warrant it.
Being a surrogate for me has only lived in my head but the reality is; it is happening. Young ladies are signing up on websites that provide surrogacy, egg donation, and sperm donation services in droves. And there are some who are advertising their services by themselves on the internet. They see a story on surrogacy, and they insert their contact details stating their availability.
Every time I see any such advert, the feeling I get is that it has stopped being a humane gesture. It is pretty obvious that the main driving force for the trend is now money. And the amount of money involved is not child’s play, which, I guess, explains why there is so much interest. Apart from the agreed fee to be paid the surrogate at the end of the pregnancy, prospective parents are expected to cater for the surrogate, taking care of her and all her needs.
Although, it is a development that has exploded in other countries, like India and China, it is fast on the rise here in Nigeria, albeit being a bit more of an under the radar arrangement. A lot of people have wondered if is not in conflict with our culture, and how it will contort the child’s story. Will there not be discrimination against that child, given its birth circumstances? What about if the surrogate bonds with the child that has lived in her womb for nine months, even if, her DNA is different from the child? What impact will that have on her psychologically? Would it not feel as though one lost a child?
There was recently a storyline on the popular soap opera, Tinsel, in which Brenda Mensah’s former arch enemy Angela Dede offered to be her surrogate. Even though the storyline soon took some telenovela-esque twists and turns (with Brenda’s husband having an affair with Angela shortly after the embryo transfer, bringing even the maternity to question), it was an emotionally distraught Angela who handed over the baby to the biological parents.
I recently read a story about a woman, who was a surrogate for her sister. She never talked to her bump, instead she left that to the biological parents of the baby. I wonder how it works, when the parents are not around, especially when you need to calm the baby down, like in the middle of the night when the kicking starts.
Thinking of all of this have made me have second thoughts about my surrogacy endeavour. Yes, the thought of helping a couple bring their dream to life would make it worthwhile, but would I be able to bear handing over that baby or babies? Would I be able to prevent bonding with the baby/babies I would carry? What explanation would I give my family and friends? How would I explain to my children that the baby Mommy is carrying is not their brother or sister? And as for the biological parents, how would they be able to explain the sudden emergence of a baby in their lives? How would they prove to people that the child was, in fact, their own flesh and blood? I guess it’s something we would have to experience to really know.
To all genuine surrogates, well done to you…and God bless you for your noble sacrifice. To all the opportunists taking advantage of other people’s misfortune….God is watching you in 3D! To all couples who are on the lookout for surrogates…be wise, be careful, and be vigilant.
God speed to everyone!
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If you choose to match or be matched with anyone from the comment section of this thread, it is solely at your own risk. The Fertile Chick will not be liable for any transactions that take place outside of this thread. We strongly advise you to exercise discretion before contacting anyone who purports to offer surrogacy services, or is in need of such services. Do your due diligence thoroughly before making any kind of commitment.