Sometimes, You Just Know It’s Going To Be Difficult To Have Babies


One thing, I have come to realise over time is, when it comes to TTC, 5 months of trying for a baby can feel like five years  and five years can feel like forever.

At first, I used to feel like anymore, who has only been TTC for months, should actually take it easy, as they are often told, what I did not factor into my thinking was the fact that some women know intuitively that they were going to be some challenge with fertility, theirs and sometimes, their husbands, hence, their agitation. Most of them, who knew intuitively, when asked, why they think so, really have no concrete answers.  They just have a feeling; it would take some time to have a baby.

Some of these women get proactive and try to hasten the reproduction process and some are really patient enough to wait out the standard one year.

One of those mommas, with enough ingrained patience is Kessiana. She had gotten married in the fourth month of the year and she happened to share the same wedding anniversary date with a colleague of hers. Within that same year of marriage, her colleague got pregnant and by the time, a new year rolled by, she had her baby.

With such ready comparison, Kessiana found herself under pressure, especially in the workplace, where their fellow colleagues unwittingly wondered, when, she was going to get pregnant too.

They told her to stop being selfish, for wanting her husband to herself for some time, before babies come. Some told her to start early, so she could finish on time, this business of childbearing and the suggestions of what her reproductive life should be went on.

What this did was put her under unnecessary pressure and reaffirm the inkling she had that, it was going to be a bit hard to get pregnant for her.  Why she had that feeling, she really cannot say; as she had never had an abortion, never been promiscuous, all her older siblings were prolific breeders, her mother had 9 nine children, her uncles on both sides of the family were blessed with multiples, yet she had woke up one morning with the thought at the back of her mind that, having babies might be difficult.

This was way back before she met her husband, before she had thought about getting married. And it was turning out to be the fact, with the way things went for the first year of her marriage. This was while; she was charting her ovulation and having sex religiously.

By the sixth month of her marriage, by which time, her colleague, whom they had married on the same day was already showing, she decided to confess this dark premonition, she had been carrying around for ages. Her husband was the first living soul, she told her about it and she was happy that, he did not dismiss her concerns out of her hand. Rather, he tried to find the root cause of when the thought first came to her mind and relieve her fears.

After that time, Kessiana’s husband took more interest in their baby-making efforts. He monitored her cycle, added more romance and thought to their baby dance, but it just wasn’t working out, at least not for the next six months.

When one year was up, they both saw a doctor, who sent them for a round of tests. While they were doing those tests, Kessiana  fell ill and was rushed to the hospital. As part of routine tests done, a pregnancy test was done and it came out positive.

It was like music to her ears. She swept all her discomforts to one side and dwelled on that singular news. From that point on, Kess carried herself like an egg but she wondered, if God was waiting for her to get proactive and stop believing that dark premonition that getting pregnant was going to be a challenge? After all, they say, heaven help those who help themselves. Well, I don’t have an answer and at over 30 weeks of pregnancy, Kess is yet to get an answer to that question.

On the other hand, not everyone has that same patience like Kess. Not everyone has age on their side like Kess, who is 26 years old. Not everyone had a premonition, it was a simple reality. They had known for years, that as the years went by, their chances of conception got slimmer.

Yejide is one of such ladies. She knew, she had fibroid as far back as when she was in her 20s. She had lived with all the symptoms for as long as she could remember. She had wanted a baby as soon as she could but with her luck in the men, she dated, that was a tough one  and her father would literally disown her, if she had a baby out of wedlock.

So, Yejide waited.  Finally, at 37 years of age, her man came. They tried for baby but after 3 months of trying, Yejide was fidgety. She wanted to see a doctor. She wanted to see a specialist. She wanted to know the state of the fibroids. She wanted them to run some tests. She kept at it, until her husband acquiesced and they went to see the doctor.

And indeed, they were reasons to worry. The fibroid in Yejide’s uterus has grown bigger, so big that it would hinder conception. The other interesting bit of news, they found was that, her husband wasn’t producing any sperm cells in his semen.  They were blindsided by that bit of news and as they go through their IVF cycle, they couldn’t but be grateful for Yejide’s sense of urgency, that had seemed odd as at the time.

The fact that Yejide knew conception might be an issue pushed her into taking action, faster, than she would have, if she had decided to wait and watch. This action has taken off numerous cycles, they might have tried with no results to show and cut out any unnecessarily waiting, thereby boosting their chances of conception.

So, the mommas, who know and get proactive, I say bravo and to the momma, who knows but wants to wait, may the lines fall into pleasant places for you.

Baby dust mamas.

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