Some of us start out on our TTC journeys open to treatment options, and wiling to do anything and everything to get pregnant; from trying local concoctions, to holistic medical practices and some in-between procedures. The rest of us are more inclined to be closed minded, as a result of past experiences, stories we have heard, and formed beliefs and orientation. There are those who would never try any form of assisted reproduction, as a result of their faith. They believe that fertility treatments are a mockery of God’s power and an attempt to usurp God’s frontline role in procreation. Thankfully, I have met quite a few women in our women’s fellowship in church who had such views, but have now come to understand that God is glorified in assisted reproduction, because even doctors would tell you that there are no guarantees with the procedures…everything is in God’s hands. Just the way God gave plants and herbs to the Israelites as medicine for their ailments, He has given IUI, IVF, FET, and other amazing fertility treatments to help millions of women worldwide get pregnant.
There are also those who are open to fertility treatments, but would never go beyond IUI and IVF. When you start talking egg donor, sperm donor, surrogacy or adoption…they are out. My aunt has been TTC for a long time, and I remember years ago when my mother suggested that she adopt a baby, and she vehemently turned it down. She gave excuse after excuse, until mom and her other siblings just left her alone. Years later, she is now open to the idea and has decided that if surrogacy doesn’t work for her, she is going to adopt a baby. My mother couldn’t help but tell her that her baby would probably be about writing Common Entrance if she had considered that option all those years ago. Early on, when she was still battling fibroids, the talk of using a surrogate came up, and although she and her husband couldn’t afford getting one, she also resented the idea; saying she could not bear to have another woman carry her baby. She questioned whose blood was going to pass through the child’s veins, and whether character traits could be transferred in the process or not.
When it comes to life’s issues…especially fertility issues, it helps to keep an open mind. Leave the door open, because you never know the messenger that your gift package might come through. There are many fertility options available, and you should explore each and every one of them, to determine the one best suited for you as a couple.
Take fertility drugs for example, these drugs are used to induce ovulation to boost egg production, and improve embryo implantation. However, this treatment would not be suitable for women with damaged or blocked fallopian tubes or a uterus scarring. So, if you went into the hospital with the sole aim of getting drugs to stimulate your follicles, then you have to keep an open mind that such treatment options might not be for you.
Infertility can be hard, and as it drags longer and longer through each failed cycle, it helps to consider what other options you have been overlooking. You cannot walk with God, without a flexible mind and willingness to let go of your own will and take His. For example, it doesn’t make any sense to go on a TTC break when the clock is ticking, but when you are tense and stressed out, a break might just be what you need. Keeping an open mind about such matters would keep you less frustrated, and might even get you to your destination sooner. For example, you could spend an entire year crashing through failed cycles, when all you need is a break/leave from work to get your body settled for a BFP, or you could keep an open mind and take that short break, that would get you pregnant sooner than later.
I am happy for my Aunt, and the fact that she is open-minded now. It takes the pressure off the surrogacy journey we are on, because now she knows she is going to be a mother…whether through surrogacy or adoption. She sleeps better at night, because she knows that her baby package is coming, and it doesn’t matter who the messenger is. I have seen her bounce back to life from the moment we decided to go on the gestational carrier plan…a plan she would never have agreed to in the past. And when I speak to her these days, it is not with the anxiety and tension of the first FET; she is calmer now, she knows God will show up on her behalf, and she has decided to go with His plans, no matter what.
This isn’t just about fertility…we can’t avoid to keep a closed mind through life’s journeys. The most amazing testimonies happen at life’s detours.
Food for thought!
Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here.