Honestly, I thought I had the perfect Nigerian celebrity that would fit this article. Fans had been badgering her for some time now, demanding for a baby, as though she owed it to them. As though they are her husband or, worse, one of those dragonic In-laws that African Magic knows how to portray very well.
So, imagine my pleasant surprise when, sometime last Saturday, I was taking a virtual stroll and there was Tolu Oniru-Demuren, dazzling in all of her “bumpy glory.” At first, I was like, “Oh no, this babe has spoilt my market.” And then, it occurred to me that this was amazing news for her and her hubby.
However, in that moment, I had just become one of the online womb-watchers, only I had a peculiar reason…still I was a part of the club.
Before her pregnancy announcement, Toolz, as she is more popularly called, had had to beg fans to get out of her womb, literally. I think she borrowed a leaf from Chrissy Teigen’s book, who had also suffered a similar fate and patented the “Get out of my uterus” phrase.
Toolz had told fans off for intruding into her fertility space, her followers on social media also joined in to tell them off, but there were always pockets of fans who felt it was their God-given right to ask a married woman how she slept at night, and then when she was going to have “our” baby.
Abeg, since when did it become “our” relationship, “our” husband, that we are having “our” baby? Social media and its presumptuous nature sha! May God save us!
While Toolz has played us all very well, announcing a pregnancy pretty much out of nowhere, there are many more celebs who would want to have it that sweet too.
Rumours of pregnancy trail these celebs, anytime paparazzi snap them from an angle that shows they have a full tummy, or maybe after a big lunch, or when wearing clingy and unforgiving outfits, showing their less than toned abs etc. Next thing we know, they would be debunking rumours. This can be tiring for them, because it is for me. Most of them are people who want babies but are unable to have them, so the pregnancy rumours just make this more painful.
So, here’s a list of celebs who are not pregnant yet, and would want to be left alone in peace, at least, until it actually happens and they want to confirm their good news.
I bet you didn’t know there is a condition called the Aniston Syndrome, which an author wrote a book about seven years ago. She described the syndrome as “the grim reality that it’s possible to wait too long.”
Well, you don’t need a prophet to determine where she got the name of the syndrome from.
That was seven years ago, so, imagine for a second that your uterus was a matter of relentless international speculation. That idle comments about when you might have a baby, or the fact that you may be getting sort of too old to have a baby — have happened over and over again, for the last 15 years. That every time you decline to wear Spanx or eat a big lunch, people all over the world analyze your abdomen for any sort of arc, and declare you pregnant with a “miracle baby.”
This has been the reality of Jennifer Aniston’s life, and she is understandably very over it.
“For the record, I am not pregnant. What I am is fed up,” Aniston wrote in a blog post on The Huffington Post. “I’m fed up with the sport-like scrutiny and body shaming that occurs daily under the guise of ‘journalism,’ the ‘First Amendment’ and ‘celebrity news.’ ”
She continues: “The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing. The way I am portrayed by the media is simply a reflection of how we see and portray women in general, measured against some warped standard of beauty.”
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