March 20th, 2013
Maybe if I wasn’t pregnant, and a tad irritable, I might have been entertained by this Ebika/Oyinkan/Instagram drama. Maybe I might have been interested in the incessant posts by both parties, and the ensuing comment war. Maybe I might have given a damn.
But I don’t. Alas, these people won’t let me be!
Since Monday, my phone has been buzzing seemingly non-stop, with Instagram notifications that are so alien to the poor phone. Ejiro has taken it upon herself to tag me in all the pictures both parties have uploaded, and I haven’t had the courage to tell her to s-t-o-p!!! I don’t care!
I don’t care that Ebika has decided to make up for lost time by uploading pictures of herself and Demola, as if it’s going out of fashion. If her plan was to bring the whole world up to speed on the 15 years of their relationship, she has succeeded. In response, Oyinkan has been uploading pictures of her own, with hash tags full of venom and shade. But those have been just half of the whole story. It is the comments on each post that have made the battle all the bloodier.
If I was being harassed only by phone notifications, it would have been even better! At least, I could have ignored those ones, and kept on moving. My dear Ejiro has delighted in calling my extension every time she tags me in a picture. So basically, I get tortured with the same information twice. Because I am still walking on egg shells around Ejiro, and not wanting to do anything to upset her, I have had to listen to all the gist she gleefully calls me to share.
But this morning, I had actually had enough.
“But Ejiro, are you not tired of this gist?!” I asked, when she called me for the sixth time today alone.
“How can I be tired?!” she cackled. “This gist is too sweet! That Ebika sha! Who knew she was such a home wrecking husband snatcher!”
“Ejiro, do you know it was Ebika that rallied everyone, after your…when you were ill?! Do you know how worried she was about your welfare?!” I said, when I couldn’t take it anymore. “Come on! This isn’t fair. She might not be your friend, but at least she is a colleague who has shown you love. Enough of this, please! We are all women! We know how matters of the heart can be!”
There was dead silence on the other end of the line, before it clicked, giving me the busy tone.
I stared back at the receiver. Eeehn?! Ejiro had hung up on me, because I’d told her the bitter truth?! Well, na she sabi!
I decided to go for an early lunch, so as not run into Ebika or, worse, Ejiro. I’m trying to keep my brain cool and collected enough to do my work well. Appraisals are in about 2 weeks, and I absolutely don’t need to overheat my brain with inconsequential nonsense!
I had barely tucked into my food, when Ebika walked up to my table, buzzing with excitement. I groaned inwardly. Couldn’t I get a moment’s peace.
“Can you imagine what rubbish Oyinkan’s people are still saying on Instagram!” she exclaimed and, without waiting for an answer, pulled up a chair, and started scrolling through different posts, and yacking about whose comment had really been Oyinkan in disguise, and how she was going to put up another post that was bound to shut them all up.
I sighed deeply, my patience running thin, but unfortunately, she saw the sigh.
“Oh! Am I boring you with my single girl gist?!” she retorted.
Trust her to play the single girl card! Now, this meant I had to feign interest, so she wouldn’t think I was condescending on her for being single.
“Of course not, babe!” I said, in what I hoped was my most reassuring tone. “But why do you keep posting pictures? Aren’t you tired of all these people in your business?!”
“I need the whole world to know that I am with Demola! I need everyone to know that he and I are legally together now!” she replied defiantly.
Legally! That word again. I wonder how legal bigamy is.
“Look, Ebika. My opinion is that this is waaaaay too much drama than you need! These girls are small girls. I checked out Oyinkan’s profile, and I saw that she only just turned 30. That’s 5 good years you have on her. You shouldn’t be trading insults with her and her crew. Why don’t you just focus on building something with your man, and leave Instagram alone!”
She looked pensive, and I saw that I had gotten through to her. There is no need for her to continue degrading and disgracing herself. There are far better, and more effective, ways of getting her message across.
“I guess you’re right. Let me concentrate on my man, and leave all those jobless heifers alone!” she shrugged. “It will even give me enough time to work on the small issue we have.”
She shrugged again. “It’s my parents oh. I told them that Demola and his people want to come for introduction, but they have forbidden it. My Dad even told me that he would rather I remain a single till I’m 50, than to be someone’s second wife!” she laughed. “Can you just imagine!”
I started at her, with my mouth agape. “Ebika, how is that a small issue?!! It’s a huge one! If your parents don’t approve…”
“Oh please!” she retorted, with an impatient wave of the hand. “Who gives a damn what those foddy doddies think?! All my Dad cares about is the fact that he is a Knight of the Catholic Church. What about my own happiness? What about that?!”
I started saying something, but instead changed my mind, and concentrated even more on the food I was eating. Every man to his tent, abeg!
“But thanks for the advice, Faith!” she said, leaning over to give me a hug. “No more Instagram drama!”
As she walked away, I shook my head. Somehow, I don’t think story will have a happy ending!
Anyways, in other news, I will be 22 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Yay!