Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 120: Idara

June 24th, 2013

Long after my family left, and even well into the night, I found myself unable to think of anything but the Idara situation. Oh yes, I am still hopping mad about all the awful things she has done. Where do I even start? Is it hiding a relationship with my brother for over a decade? Or is it blatantly trying to seduce him, even when she knew he was engaged to someone else and, worse still, when the said fiancée was on a hospital bed? Or is it going to reveal all the gory details of this non-relationship to my brother’s wife, with little or no regard for her health situation. No, I’m still mad!

But is my anger enough to wipe away almost 15 years of friendship? Now, that’s the million naira question.

Idara!

Long before Mmayen and Koko had completed our foursome, Idara and I were already a pair. We were in opposite rooms in an off-campus hostel, and we had found ourselves quickly drawn to each other. For me, the attraction was easy. The tall, pretty, well dressed fellow JAMBITE quickly caught my attention, and I had struck a conversation with her the first opportunity I got. She told me later that it was my sense of humour that had drawn her to me. The fact that we were in the same Faculty drew us together even quicker, and it soon became the norm for us to make the trip to campus together, sometimes on the same bike! She was literally my ride-or-die chick! Before long, my course-mate, Kokoma (aka Koko), and Idara’s course-mate, Mmayen made us a foursome, and we soon made a habit of heading to my parents’ house in the nearby Festac, to get away from the stress of school. Very soon, my 3 friends were almost a permanent fixture in my house.

When our first semester ended, with Idara’s parents having recently permanently relocated to their house in London, her only option was to either stay with her aunt in Ikeja, head to her family home in Uyo (which was, by now, completely empty) or hang around in the nasty hostel room she was renting. None of the options was attractive to her, so I invited her to spend the holiday with me, an offer she accepted even before it had completely come out of my mouth. Rather than drive us apart, as such proximity can sometimes do for friends, it drew us even closer. And it also created a friendship between our parents. My parents constantly refused her parents’ offer of a cash compensation for taking care of their daughter, an offer my proud father said he would die first before accepting. If only we knew how prophetic that statement would be. But refused compensation aside, the shared bond between their children created a strong friendship between our parents as well.

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When Eme died, some 3 years later, their support was unflinching. Idara’s mom actually came to Lagos to spend a few days with my family. Idara herself was also a solid rock, helping out with household chores and kitchen runs, when my mom and I couldn’t rally ourselves to do anything at all. And those dark nights, when I would wake up in a cold sweat, after yet another vivid dream of my late sister, Idara would be there by my side, sometimes even rocking me back to sleep.

But it was when our father died that I saw firsthand the strength of our friendship. The man had died leaving us millions of naira in debt. Since my late teens, my family no longer lived the affluent life we’d been used to in the 80s and early 90s. But in 2004, the year before my father died, things had suddenly taken a turn for what we’d thought was the better. He’d bought a brand new car, renovated our house, and had even promised to send me to the UK for my Masters. We had thought his business was finally picking up again, and had rejoiced over our improved fortunes. Little did we know that the man was spending money he was supposed to have used to execute a project. And then, without warning, he had dropped dead, and we had gotten the rudest shock of our lives! Long after the mourners had departed, his creditors loomed around. To make matters even worse, he had also borrowed money from some loan sharks to seemingly fund this same project. Long story short, we soon became the target of all sorts and manners of threats and warning. We were soon faced with the arduous task of repaying the plethora of debt, regardless of the fact that we barely had enough to keep things going at home. By this time, Idara had already moved to England, but she knew what was going on. I pleaded with her not to involve her parents, so she used to send us money from her own small salary. I had no idea she was also supporting my brother, Phillip, but that’s a story for another day.

But Phillip’s meagre entry-level salary in a small indigenous oil and gas company, my own NYSC allowance, and Idara’s small contribution, were barely enough to scratch the surface, and even after several months of repayments, we were still deep, deep in the hole.

Until suddenly, we weren’t.

Idara caved and told her parents about what we were going through, and with one cheque, the loan sharks were gone. Every single one of them! The way my Mom wept when she found out about their kind gesture, and that she no longer had to sleep with one eye open or run the risk of losing everything she had, was even more than when my father had died. The relief we all felt was overwhelming…and the gratitude was palpable!

From that day on, we became like family. My Mom couldn’t hear of them coming to Lagos, without dropping every single thing to be at their beck and call. And the mutual love was shown when they helped process my visa, the first time I travelled to the U.K., and in the hospitable way they treated me during all my visits. And when they retired back to Nigeria a little over a year ago, Mom actually travelled all the way to Uyo to help them settle back in.

Sitting up in bed, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach, thinking about what they would say if they found out how quickly I had cut their daughter off…and over what, really?! Were her actions really enough to erase years and years of goodwill?

I knew I just had to do the right thing…

 

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Photo Credit

  1. http://www.hercampus.com

 

Catch up on Faith’s Pregnancy Diary here:

  1. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 1: BFP
  2. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 2: Lukewarm Response
  3. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 3: The Struggle
  4. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 4: Tricked
  5. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 5: Keeping Her Man
  6. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 6: Men are so Annoying!
  7. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 7: Bleeding
  8. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 8: The 9-Week Mark
  9. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 9: Festive
  10. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 10: The Holiday
  11. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 11: This Thing Called Love
  12. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 12: The Pregnancy Glow
  13. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 13: The Baby & The Bobo
  14. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 14: Wahala
  15. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 15: The Abortion
  16. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 16: A Good Man
  17. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 17: Joy & Pain
  18. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 18: Hostage
  19. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 19: Ammunition
  20. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 21: Famzing
  21. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 22: Stress Relief
  22. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 23: Diana
  23. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 24: Bestos
  24. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 25: The Miscarriage
  25. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 26: In God’s Hands
  26. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 27: Crossing the line
  27. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 28: Last Minute Packing
  28. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 29: Ex-Girlfriend
  29. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 30: Not Just Friends
  30. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 31: Fight For Him
  31. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 32: Faded Beauty
  32. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 33: Holiday Glow
  33. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 34: The Proposals
  34. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 35: Baby Kicks
  35. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 36: Celebration Dinner
  36. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 37: Rainbow Baby
  37. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 38: Lunch with the Girls
  38. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 39: Wedding Season
  39. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 40: Mama Patrick
  40. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 41: Misplaced Love
  41. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 42: Okafor’s Law
  42. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 43: Forgiveness
  43. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 44: Get it over with
  44. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 45: Family Meeting
  45. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 46: The Goof
  46. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 47: Worship
  47. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 48: Gender
  48. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 49: The Introduction
  49. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 50: Messy
  50. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 51: Passionate Love
  51. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 52: Instagram Drama
  52. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 53: 21 Weeks
  53. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 54: Oppressed
  54. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 55: Age is just a number
  55. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 56: Legally Together
  56. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 57: Monkey on my back
  57. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 58: Your secret is safe with me
  58. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 59: Spring in my step
  59. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 60: Level don change
  60. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 61: It’s my time
  61. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 62: Drama & Baby Kicks
  62. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 63: Love, Joy, Fear
  63. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 64: Owerri
  64. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 65: Untouchable
  65. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 66: Foot Soldiers
  66. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 67: Dem Say, Dem Say
  67. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 68: The Side Chick & The Fiancé
  68. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 69: Dim-Witted Brother
  69. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 70: Day from hell
  70. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 71: A Cancelled Wedding & a Kept Woman
  71. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 72: From Bad to Worst!
  72. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 73: The Confrontation
  73. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 74: Away we go!
  74. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 75: Birthday Girl
  75. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 76: Caught Red-Handed
  76. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 77: Played by a Master Manipulator
  77. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 78: Showdown
  78. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 79: Sad Tears, Happy Tears
  79. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 80: Not the forever kind of love
  80. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 81: My Sacred Vow to you
  81. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 82: Facebook Likes
  82. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 83: Pregnancy Queue
  83. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 84: Braxton Hicks
  84. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 85: The Verdict
  85. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 86: Home Sweet Home
  86. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 87: The Bridal Shower
  87. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 88: The Scare
  88. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 89: Nwando’s Wedding
  89. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 90: Time To Face The Music
  90. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 91: The Witch Hunt
  91. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 92: Bump Envy
  92. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 93: This Evil Family
  93. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 94: Thankful
  94. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 95: People Watching
  95. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 96: New Beginnings
  96. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 97: Dispassionately
  97. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 98: Old Woman
  98. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 99: The Premonition
  99. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 100: The Girl is Fine!
  100. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 101: Three Weeks From Now
  101. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 102: Diana & Akunna
  102. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 103: Of Daughters and Honeymoons
  103. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 104: Practice Run
  104. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 105: Cold Revenge
  105. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 106: Absolutely Nothing
  106. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 107: Selfish
  107. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 108: Back and Forth
  108. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 109: Chief Mourner
  109. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 110: He Will Never Be Mine
  110. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 111: The Showers
  111. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 112: Baby Mama
  112. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 113: Counting
  113. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 114: Soul Searching
  114. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 115: My Baby Girl
  115. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 116: Deep Sense of Knowing
  116. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 117: Judgemental
  117. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 118: The Preeclampsia Scare & The Big Lie
  118. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 119: Malice Keeper

Comments

  1. Yanju

    Wow!!! You really need to do the right thing.

  2. Bunmi

    That is a true friend ! she has shown love and support in many selfless ways. She has also been human im her actions too and like they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She loved Phillip, feels or felt cheated and lashed out in ways she thought was best. Who knows what we will all do in her position. Yes! Idara she deserves a second chance.

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