Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 107: Selfish

May 30th, 2013

I woke up this morning feeling well, and truly, fed up! And I don’t mean physically either.

I spent the remainder of yesterday worrying and fretting about Phillip’s decision not to beg his wife, and worried if the end was truly nigh for them. But as I lay in bed, remembering how I had been running from one end of London to the other, with no regard for my pregnancy, all because I was trying to keep Idara away from Phillip, I was filled with sudden resentment. Diana hadn’t even thought it wise to call to find out my own side of the story. No…instead she had chosen to ignore my phone calls as well. Maybe it would have been better if I’d just kept my mouth shut. At least that way, Idara and Phillip would have continued their status quo, and Diana would have been none the wiser.

 

So, I decided that, for the remainder of this my pregnancy, I will think of me, and me alone! I choose to be selfish! I have given way way more than I should, not only to the many women of Phillip, but also to my other friends who have chosen to live in fools paradise!

Ebika has been walking around, moping, wondering how soon Demola will stay with his family in the U.S., before choosing to return…if he chooses to return! I still haven’t been able to bring myself to be fully accepting of this situation of theirs. I think I got carried away by their romance, when we were in London. But in the cold light of day, and with reality setting in, I am finding it harder and harder to be empathetic to her plight. What am I expected to say, the next time she comes to complain about Demola being with Oyinkan now? How am I supposed to explain to her that it is the most natural thing in the world, for a man to want to be present at the birth of his child? Am I supposed to lie the next time she asks me if I think he and Oyinkan will have sex, while he’s there? Am I supposed to lie that I’m not convinced that they most surely will?

Thankfully, the Akunna saga is over, so it’s one less thing to worry about. But thinking about everything it took from me, I can’t help but be resentful of her as well. From the mind screw with my ED, to worrying about whether or not the situation had cost me my job, to the endless intermediation, family spats, insults, driving across town at odd hours of the day, when she was at the Isolo hospital…everything also took a whole lot from me. Too much.

And then, there’s Nwando. I know I shouldn’t include her in this list…but she too has taken more from me than I really should have given. From flying all the way to Owerri for her traditional wedding, to attending the most hostile and volatile bridal shower I think I have ever witnessed, and now with the barrage of text messages, asking me endless questions about my doctor, me sef don tire! Ahn ahn! What is it sef? A part of me wanted to send her a not-too-pleasant reply, asking her to just go and see the doctor herself, but instead, I have chosen to ignore her messages. It’s better she doesn’t hear from me, than for me to send her the one that will now cause fight.

No, I’m done giving myself high blood pressure because of all these jokers in my life. No more! It’s now time to focus on me and my baby. Not even when Eteka, my younger brother, and his girlfriend, Nelly, get engaged (which I suspect will be very soon, from all their body language), will I inconvenience myself. If after the baby gets here, and I have some strength, fine…if not, well they have to make do with support from my Mother.

Because that’s how I will be running helter skelter for all of them, and go into premature labour. And will they be there to push for me? I think not! When it comes right down to it, when I am wheeled into that delivery room, it will be just me and my God…none of them will be anywhere in sight. So, is it not better to just reserve whatever little strength I still have, and wait for this baby to come?

It most surely is…and I’m going to do just that!

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Catch up on Faith’s Pregnancy Diary here:

  1. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 1: BFP
  2. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 2: Lukewarm Response
  3. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 3: The Struggle
  4. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 4: Tricked
  5. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 5: Keeping Her Man
  6. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 6: Men are so Annoying!
  7. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 7: Bleeding
  8. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 8: The 9-Week Mark
  9. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 9: Festive
  10. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 10: The Holiday
  11. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 11: This Thing Called Love
  12. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 12: The Pregnancy Glow
  13. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 13: The Baby & The Bobo
  14. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 14: Wahala
  15. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 15: The Abortion
  16. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 16: A Good Man
  17. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 17: Joy & Pain
  18. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 18: Hostage
  19. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 19: Ammunition
  20. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 21: Famzing
  21. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 22: Stress Relief
  22. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 23: Diana
  23. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 24: Bestos
  24. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 25: The Miscarriage
  25. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 26: In God’s Hands
  26. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 27: Crossing the line
  27. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 28: Last Minute Packing
  28. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 29: Ex-Girlfriend
  29. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 30: Not Just Friends
  30. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 31: Fight For Him
  31. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 32: Faded Beauty
  32. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 33: Holiday Glow
  33. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 34: The Proposals
  34. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 35: Baby Kicks
  35. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 36: Celebration Dinner
  36. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 37: Rainbow Baby
  37. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 38: Lunch with the Girls
  38. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 39: Wedding Season
  39. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 40: Mama Patrick
  40. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 41: Misplaced Love
  41. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 42: Okafor’s Law
  42. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 43: Forgiveness
  43. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 44: Get it over with
  44. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 45: Family Meeting
  45. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 46: The Goof
  46. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 47: Worship
  47. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 48: Gender
  48. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 49: The Introduction
  49. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 50: Messy
  50. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 51: Passionate Love
  51. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 52: Instagram Drama
  52. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 53: 21 Weeks
  53. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 54: Oppressed
  54. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 55: Age is just a number
  55. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 56: Legally Together
  56. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 57: Monkey on my back
  57. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 58: Your secret is safe with me
  58. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 59: Spring in my step
  59. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 60: Level don change
  60. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 61: It’s my time
  61. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 62: Drama & Baby Kicks
  62. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 63: Love, Joy, Fear
  63. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 64: Owerri
  64. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 65: Untouchable
  65. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 66: Foot Soldiers
  66. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 67: Dem Say, Dem Say
  67. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 68: The Side Chick & The Fiancé
  68. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 69: Dim-Witted Brother
  69. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 70: Day from hell
  70. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 71: A Cancelled Wedding & a Kept Woman
  71. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 72: From Bad to Worst!
  72. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 73: The Confrontation
  73. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 74: Away we go!
  74. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 75: Birthday Girl
  75. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 76: Caught Red-Handed
  76. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 77: Played by a Master Manipulator
  77. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 78: Showdown
  78. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 79: Sad Tears, Happy Tears
  79. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 80: Not the forever kind of love
  80. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 81: My Sacred Vow to you
  81. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 82: Facebook Likes
  82. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 83: Pregnancy Queue
  83. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 84: Braxton Hicks
  84. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 85: The Verdict
  85. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 86: Home Sweet Home
  86. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 87: The Bridal Shower
  87. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 88: The Scare
  88. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 89: Nwando’s Wedding
  89. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 90: Time To Face The Music
  90. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 91: The Witch Hunt
  91. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 92: Bump Envy
  92. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 93: This Evil Family
  93. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 94: Thankful
  94. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 95: People Watching
  95. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 96: New Beginnings
  96. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 97: Dispassionately
  97. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 98: Old Woman
  98. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 99: The Premonition
  99. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 100: The Girl is Fine!
  100. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 101: Three Weeks From Now
  101. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 102: Diana & Akunna
  102. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 103: Of Daughters and Honeymoons
  103. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 104: Practice Run
  104. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 105: Cold Revenge
  105. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 106: Absolutely Nothing

Comments

  1. Henrietta

    I agree perfectly with you Faith, you need to reserve all the strength you can gather for labour, but is your mom aware of what’s going on with Philip and Diana? am thinking that maybe if your mom calls Diana, she might pick her calls.

  2. Grace

    Awww, Faith the friend that is always there now tired. Its allowed joor you are human. Take it all easy.

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