My Bestie and I: She’s Having A Baby…I Just Had A Miscarriage

 

When Betty found out that she was pregnant, one of the very first people she told was her bestie, whom she had been friends with from Primary school, Seyi.

It turns out Seyi has some interesting news of her own; she too was expecting a baby. When they exchanged dates, they shouted with joy at the realisation that their dates were just a few days apart.  Their babies were going to be besties like their mommas, especially if they were of same gender, they rejoiced.

This was the second pregnancy for Betty; she had miscarried the first one when she had been involved in a car accident. Many people had wounds on them but Betty’s wound was internal. She didn’t know until help came the way of she and her fellow travellers. As they helped her up, they realised she was drenched in her own blood.

There was nothing to do to save her baby, except watch the blood. Now, almost a year later, Betty found out she was pregnant again, and it coincided with the first pregnancy of her bestie, so she had the best pregnancy buddy she could have asked for.

Anyways, even if Seyi hadn’t been pregnant, she would have still been her sounding board but it was nice to have a chance to compare notes, about the beautiful experience of pregnancy.

Both Betty and Seyi decided the hospital they would use for their antenatal clinic, disturbed their doctor with loads  of questions, which he had to answer twice, as they went in for their consultation differently and then they compared notes later to see if his answers were consistent. Their husbands had no stand, with their wives now so joined at the hips.

Everything went well until they were both in the second trimester. At 20 weeks, Betty started to feel some cramps. She put it down to the fact that she had been standing quite a bit in the last few days. So, she decided to pamper herself by indulging in a lie-in that Saturday morning. Her husband was excited to see his super active wife resting, as he had been telling her that he would treat her to breakfast in bed.

Coming back with the tray in hand and a big smile on his face, he was startled by the sign of blood on their white bedsheets. If it had been a dot, he wouldn’t have been concerned, but this wasn’t and it looked fresh.

He suspected the worst; his wife had miscarried but she was sleeping peacefully. He agonized for several minutes, whether to wake her up. In the end, he awoke her gently and the first thing she saw, asides her husband’s face, was the blood. She was in the bathroom in a blind rush.

At first, she was drowning in tears and the next minutes, Betty was out and demanding to be taken to the hospital. Her husband, who had been ready for that, got her in the car, went off to the clinic, in the hope that something could be done to keep their baby alive.

Betty was admitted, investigations were carried out but it was too late. From the scan, it was seen that her uterus was almost empty and they would have to do a D&C to get the remaining parts of the baby out of the womb. She was shaken by the new way her baby, who had been alive some 24 hours ago, was now being described as parts.

When her friend, Seyi, heard about what she was going through, she rushed to her side, but Betty wasn’t prepared for the slew of emotions that hit her; from anger to jealousy, to fear at her own emotions. On the one hand, Betty didn’t want her sadness to make Seyi fear for her pregnancy. Essentially, she didn’t know how to remain happy for her and mourn her own loss at the same time.

She knew Seyi wouldn’t have wished that she miscarried but she couldn’t help how she felt and had to find a way to get her to stop coming to the hospital, or even her house, once she was discharged. However, she couldn’t, because Seyi just wanted to be there.

But their relationship had changed. No longer were they making comparison about the type of fruit their babies were for the week, or swapping stories of which organs had been developed. Betty didn’t have any updates to share anymore and Seyi was not sure if Betty was in the right frame of mind for her to share her updates with. They were no longer open with each other.

They have managed to build a new rhythm to their relationship. Seyi had a baby and Betty had a miscarriage, and now that years have gone by, Seyi’s daughter often makes Betty wonder what could’ve been.

landscape-1445724379-g-puberty-104480222

She had to allow her heart the space and time to grieve and not link her sadness to her friend or her daughter, who would have been the same age as her child would have been. On the other hand, she felt guilty that her feelings and pain overshadowed Seyi’s happy pregnancy and assumed Seyi also felt some anger toward her as well, for becoming such a Debbie downer, though she never made outwardly expressed it.

When Seyi’s baby was born and Betty held her for the first time, she felt a piece of her heart healed by the feel of that baby in her arms. She was her “practice” baby, until she had her own rainbow baby.

Betty went on to healthy pregnancies interspersed with miscarriages, but each time, she went through it, Seyi was there to support her, never questioning, just being present and that was all that really mattered, that was all that Betty really wanted.

This is a dicey situation and if not handled properly could have quickly deteriorated, but who better to go through a miscarriage with than a bestie, even if she is pregnant.

Friendships shouldn’t only be about the good times. The true test of loyalty is when things get tough.

Godspeed and baby dust to you all.

 

 

8

Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here

Photo credits:

1. http://il9.picdn.net/shutterstock

2. http://pad2.whstatic.com/

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *